Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull

And so it's here. It's been anticipated for the past fifteen or so years, but the more time has worn on the more people have wondered whether it would actually get made or not. Spielberg, Lucas and Ford kept spouting the same old "we're just waiting for the right script" line, but most people had decided that Indiana Jones 4 would never see the light of day. Then of course it did, but with so much anticipation it was almost inevitable that it wasn't going to live up to the hype. And sadly, it pretty much doesn't.

Now, don't get me wrong on this score - it's still an entertianing film. Lots of action and excitment; a cool object for Indy to go looking for - the titular skull; a group of interesting characters brought to life by good actors - it's all there. No, the irony is that, after waiting so long for the right script, the production team have actually ended up with the wrong one.

But let's just have a quick analysis of the acting first, and obviously we need to start with Harrison Ford. Frankly, watching Ford play Dr Jones in this movie is a little comparable to watching Roger Moore play James Bond in "A View To A Kill"; it's really difficult to get over the fact that Ford is considerably older in this movie than he was in the previous ones. Admittedly the movie is set fifteen years on, but Ford doesn't look fifteen years older - he looks a lot more.

In the opening scenes, Ford appears to be very uncomfortable playing Indy and once the action moves to the university, he looks as though he has decided to play "Hollywood Homicide" rather than Indiana Jones. All this changes when Karen Allen (Marion Ravenwood) turns up and finally Ford seems to remember what he is doing and how he should be playing the role. Ironically it's at this point the whole movie picks up, but more on that later.
Allen herself seems to never have forgotten what role she is playing, while clearly "Transformers" is the single best thing to happen to Shia LaBeouf as not only is in every movie being made these days, but he's getting an "and" credit. Happily LaBeouf is emminently watchable, as is, of course, the wonderful Cate Blanchett who plays the villianous extremely well - although in a press conference she apologises for her accent, which frankly she should because it is appalling, particularly in the opening scenes where it drops in and out like a car radio in an underground carpark. Jim Broadbent is a satisfactory replacement for Denholm Elliot (though it is nice that Elliot's character is still given a nod or two in the film), though he doesn't get anywhere near enough screentime; and two other British actors: John Hurt and Ray Winstone, also put in great performances throughout the film.

But, and let's get back to it, it's the script that just doesn't work. For the first third of the movie, we get a very slow feature where people spend a lot of time talking to each other and doing things that ultimately don't make an awful lot of sense. For instance, the Russians are looking for the skull in the opening scenes, and they believe it is in the American vault containing, amongst other things, the Arc of the Covenant. Fair enough. Indy seems to believe it is there too - he knows it is highly magnetic and uses this fact to find it. All good. They find the body and the Russians sod off with it, later opening the skull to show the crystal skull. Except...Indy then finds the skull in the Conquistador's body, and it is this skull which is the one that goes on the skeleton at the end. So...what precisely did the Russians get in the opening scene? It has the same magnetic properties as the actual skull, and appears to look like it when Spalko (Blanchett) shows Indy, yet it is not the skull.

Now aside from that major gaff, and the slowness of the early part of the film, the action picks up, as mentioned earlier, when Marion comes onto the scene. Here the action kicks in, with some great moments (can't get enough of Indy and co using the car to go down three waterfalls) and some equally great deaths (our main villain being carried into an ant's nest is particularly unpleasant). At this point this is an Indiana Jones movie par excellence, with everyone rising to the occasion and giving it their all. We get exciting monuments, more action, more adventure, and the discovery of giant skulls in the mountains. Fabulous stuff.

And then...well, if you don't want to be spoiled by the end of the movie, you probably should skip the next paragraph.
I'm sorry but for me aliens just don't seem to sit well in an Indiana Jones movie. If the crystal skull had turned out to be Egyptian Gods I would've found that easier to accept. Mysticism and magic are fine in an Indy movie, but aliens...I just don't buy it. It just doesn't seem right for some reason.

Aside from that complaint, there are only a few other things to moan about: shame we didn't have John Rhys-Davies return as Sallah, and Indy should've used that whip waaay more often. Oh, and there were no truly gruesome moments. The ant thing was uncomfortable, but it wasn't face-melting/heart-ripped-out-while-beating gruesome. There should be a gruesome moment in an Indy film, truly.

I think Indiana Jones 4 was a viable movie about five-ten years ago. With the right script it would've been brilliant. Now, though, we're left with an actor who's just a little too old to be convincing as an action hero in a script that's just not quite an Indy script. The ending was sweet, so let's leave it there.

"B-"