All Good Things...

Yes, the time has come.

After a number of months reviewing this, that and the other, it's become increasingly obvious that I'm essentially talking to myself (not, in of itself, a bad thing). As a result, it seems pretty pointless to keep on maintaining this blog, particularly as time often gets sucked away, stopping me from writing what I need to.

As such, I shall bid a fond farewell to one and all and encourage everyone to go to The Enterprise Of Geeks where changes are taking place, but the spirit of both blogs shall live on.

Be seeing you.

Star Trek

You've got to admire J J Abrams' balls, and possibly not the for the reason the girls think. If someone said to me, "We'd like you to make the eleventh movie in a flailing franchise, of which, tradition dictates the odd numbered films tend to be shit, AND we'd like you to reboot said franchise which has tens of thousands of fans, of which thousands of those are raving obsessives, AND, just in case you haven't shat your pants yet, we'd like you to recast the original characters which are much loved by generations and played so iconically by a very well respected group of actors," the follow up to that request would be "Ryan? Ryan? Are you still there...I think he hung up on me." Because seriously...that is one tall order.

What has impressed me about this film, though, is that Abrams hasn't just given a general two-finger salute to the fans. In point of fact, he's rather held out an olive branch to them, unlike one Zack Snyder to Watchmen films. No, Abrams has given a little way out for the fans - yes, this is a reboot, but *actually* there's this whole time travel aspect to the thing which has changed the future so this is an alternate reality. Oh yes it is...Uhuru actually says it at one point. But, just to make the fans a little happier, says J J, listen out for some choice catchphrases (did I hear "I'm a doctor not a physician" and "I'm giving her all she's got, Captain"? I believe I did), some classic costume design (though those mini skirts look a little longer than they used to) and, of course, Leonard Nimoy.

Because, the geeks have inherited the Earth. That, or Hollywood has finally got the idea of how to make a geek film and make it good - and by good I mean one that appeals both to the fans and the mainstream audience, because these geek things were actually hugely popular in "the day", and there was a good reason for it. It's not that hard to make a film that the fans will love and the mass audience will be entralled with, because they are, at the end of the day, looking for the same thing.

It's been so long since we've had a great sci-fi movie with a kick arse action rogue (since Serenity, in fact), that the audience have secretly been screaming for it. Oh yes, we want massive space battles; we want to hear a captain say "Abandon ship!" (although I actually wanted this to be preceded by "All hands!", but sadly it didn't happen), and yes we want a space captain to shoot first and ask questions later. And that's the most important thing about this movie.
The script for the film is entertaining, but nothing particularly mind blowing (although it's worth noting that one of the things that marks this as a very modern movie is the tongue-in-cheek feel to the film, but more on that later), the special effects are amazing, but in this day and age, if the special effects were crap it would be a very ordinary movie, and the direction is tense; the editing quick. But none of those things make this movie stand out. What makes this movie really entertaining, and really head and shoulders above a lot of other movies, is the astonishingly brilliant cast.
I don't know if these actors sat down and watched the original programme, or if they were fans of Star Trek, but these actors have truly recreated the characters without fault. Yes, Captain Kirk has lost his somewhat unique form of delivery, and the voices are all a little different, but these *are* the characters that were in the original series, without question.

The crew members are all there - John Cho as Sulu, Anton Yelchin as Chekov and Simon Pegg as Scotty are the three smaller parts of the seven, but they are all excellently realised, even though Chekov and Scotty are the comic relief. Sulu is the serious helmsman, Chekov can't pronounce his "v"'s, and Scotty has his scottish accent, but all three are on their first missions and all three are learning their trade, becoming the characters that we will see them become in later stories. From there we get Zoe Saldana as Uhuru, the rather beautiful comms officer who, rather controversially, is having a relationship with her lecturer...but that's not the reason for the controversy.

Rather nicely some other characters from the Star Trek franchise make appearances, giving us a reminder of the original continuity from which they come, and of particular note is Bruce Greenwood as Captain Christopher Pike, captain of the Enterprise, and Ben Cross as Sarek, Spock's father, and the Vulcan ambassador to Earth. I thought that these touches more than anything showed that the production crew cared about the franchise they were now representing, and the fans who also care about the same thing.

But it is the three principals that are truly, truly outstanding. Karl Urban is Leonard "Bones" McCoy, and his portrayal, more than any other in the cast, is spookily like the original. Urban brings his character to life, effortlessly helping out his friend when he's needed and moodily sulking about the Enterprise's first officer when things don't go his way. Urban has caught on to the fact that McCoy is a Southern gentleman who is a moaner at heart, but always does the right thing.

Zachary Quinto plays Spock, and from the moment you see him arch an eyebrow, it is clear that this part is a labour of love from Quinto. He rather nicely shows a Vulcan at odds with his human heritage and his emotions (which is important for this film and the story behind it, though could be rather fey if it carried on), but attempting to balance it as best he can to please everyone except himself. What is also amazing is how much like a young Leonard Nimoy Quinto looks.

And then there is Chris Pine, the man who has the hardest job in the world - bringing to life the original rebel captain who has little respect for authority and a gung-ho attitude that has him fighting every step he takes. And he succeeds in a way that you wouldn't even believe. We see Kirk as a cocky young boy, who becomes an equally cocky twenty-something, and who is more than happy to cheat as long as it means he wins. As he says in the film "I don't believe in a no-win situation" and that is Kirk - arrogant, cocksure, and, rather annoyingly, right. What Pine does is channel William Shatner's complete arrogance in the role of Kirk, and bringing with it the same charisma that makes you refrain from wanting to punch him in the face. You can't help but cheer when Kirk solves the insoluble Kobayashi Maru situation at the academy even though he cheated in order to do it. But every so often we need to see a hero who will break the rules and be happy to blow his enemy away. Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman wrote a script that faithfully recreated the original character, but it is Pine's outstanding performance which sells it.

Have I forgotten anyone? Oh yes...of course...When it was announced that Leonard Nimoy would be appearing in the movie, I did wonder if it wasn't just an excuse to shoehorn an original actor in, and did wonder why they didn't bother doing the same with Shatner. However, after watching the movie, it becomes pretty clear exactly why this couldn't be done. Because, if this is an alternate reality, Leonard Nimoy is definitely the original version - Spock Prime as the credits name him. And it brings a joy to the heart and a slight tear to the eye when Nimoy intones the "Space...the final frontier" before the closing credits.

I really have nothing more to say about this movie, because it really is all about the performances. Never mind Eric Bana, never mind Winona Ryder...the main cast is all you need. And by god do they sell it well.

As Scotty says "I like this ship! It's exciting!" It is indeed.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I really had to restrain the fan-geek in me for this movie, let me say from the outset. A movie like this has the potential to be so amazing, but at the same time can upset fan-geeks a lot, primarily because there is already an established movie continuity for the X-Men. What if they were to destroy that? Could I handle it?

As it turned out the fan-geek had absolutely nothing to worry about and while, as I expected, this didn't turn out to be the thought provoking X-Men movies of Bryan Singer, it was still an entertaining and action-packed film that doesn't have a dud moment.

Fox and Marvel must be thanking Tom Cruise every day for the fact that Mission: Impossible II ran over schedule and Dougray Scott was forced to pull out of the role of X-Men, handing over to song-and-dance man Hugh Jackman. Jackman, of course, turned out to be handsome, charming and able to bring Wolverine perfectly to life for three movies, so much so that by the third X-Men movie he was, undeniably, the star. If any X-Man was going to pull off a solo movie, it was going to be Wolverine, and thanks to Hugh Jackman's success and popularity, it became a no-brainer.

What was slightly more controversial, though, was recasting established characters such as Stryker and Sabretooth. However, given the context of the story, this is perhaps, not that surprising. Tyler Mane was brilliant as the tall, muscle bound heavy that Sabretooth was in the first X-Men movie, but I'm not sure he could have gotten through the acting and dialogue that Sabretooth has to carry in this film. Liev Schrieber was an odd choice for me when I first heard about it, but the trailers allowed me to warm up to him and on film, he's an absolutely terrifying beast, even more agile than in the first film.

Danny Huston as Stryker didn't really make me uspet, but at the same time I didn't also get terribly excited about it. He plays the part competently, giving some nice character moments to the part, but unfortunately he fails to make much of an impact.

In truth, most of the film fails to make much of an impact. While the story is servicable and gives a nice backstory to Wolverine, where he comes from and why he is like he is, it's not a particularly new story in any genre, and at times seems more of an excuse to introduce us to a much wider group of characters from the X-Franchise. Characters like The Blob, John Wraith, Deadpool, Agent Zero, The Bolt, Silver Fox, Gambit and Emma Frost all make an appearance while the intricacies of Stryker's plot doesn't entirely add up. We discover that he is rounding up all the mutants to create a supermutant that he can control to hunt down and kill mutants. Except that, if he can round up mutants, why not just kill them there and then? Indeed, at times it seems that Stryker's primary motivation is to create a mutant that can kill Wolverine and Sabretooth - except that if he hadn't tried to create the supermutant, he wouldn't need to kill Wolverine and Sabretooth. It's slightly circular.

What's funny is that, given the Marvel trend to tie their movies into a coherent universe, this one could actually have easily been tied into the Marvel universe, while at the same time giving a little more scope to Stryker's actions. If Nick Fury had had a cameo to check on Stryker's progress in recreating the super-soldier program, suddenly you would have a lot more depth to Stryker; something which would have been more effective than a quick cameo by a kid with two eye colours stuck in a freezer. This would also have been a nice touch for the fans, something which the movie never shies away from; dropping names such as the Hudsons and having a cameo appearance at the end of the film by a certain distinguished British actor.

However, to most people, and to me as well to a certain degree, this movie could have been awful but would still have been saved by watching Hugh Jackman recreate his Wolverine character. Although on a couple of occasions he drops his accent and goes Ocker for a bit, Jackman still manages to inject so much into Wolverine that he simply steals the show whenever he's on screen. Wolverine is much more of a hero in this movie than he was in previous ones, but it doesn't matter because that's what you expect from this movie, and from Jackman as well.

Wolverine is a far more entertaining movie than it's immediate predecessor, but one of my friends remarked that it was the kind of movie that was best seen at the cinema with a group of like-minded friends. I think he's pretty much on the money with that observation.

Heroes: Season Three

Twenty five episodes later, and Heroes has reached the end of its third season, to a fairly mixed reception and, undeniably, some rather disappointing ratings - an average drop of around three million viewers. Why is this? Well, it's a little hard to say, but certainly the programme this season suffered from two things - the fallout of the writer's strike that cut season two in half, and head writer Jeph Loeb. There were some great ideas this season, but the major problem with the programme was that it lacked focus, which is a great shame, all things told, because there is limitless potential with the format, the ideas and the, frankly quite brilliant cast.

Season Two was supposed to have continued by having a four episode volume called Villains, before going into the Fugitives volume that would have seen the heroes round up and locked away - though not because of Nathan, but rather because of the outbreak of the virus, which never actually happened due to the writer's strike. As a result Loeb decided to take the slightly unusual decision to still have the round up of heroes, but still at the end of the season, which meant that the opening needed to be expanded and this meant the inclusion of a new supervillian, Arthur Petrelli, backed up by Maury Parkman and some other nasty pieces of work. Brother vs brother would become son vs father, dramatic tension would unfold, the astonishing revelation that Sylar was a Petrelli would be revealed, and Peter would absorb Sylar's power and start down the dangerous path that his brother was already treading.

Except it didn't quite work out like that. Throughout the first volume, Jeph Loeb would come up with some great ideas, but then get sick of them and forget all about the fact they had happened. Yes, Peter appropriated Sylar's power, but an episode later and he had forgotten all about it. Sylar was revealed to be a Petrelli...and then it turned out that he wasn't and both Arthur and Angela Petrelli had been independently lying about exactly the same thing.

The big problem was that there was actually so much room for dramatic character development. How interesting would it have been to see Mohinder truly get darker and darker, becoming more and more desperate for power? To see Peter kill Sylar and effectively take his place? To see Angela truly run the company with Bennet as her right hand man. There was an enormous amount of paths that the series could have taken, but instead we got half way there, and then completely forgot about.

There were other problems, of course, including the fact that a number of the heroes were becoming more and more powerful to the point they were virtually unstoppable. As a consequence they had to have their powers very quickly removed, either by the much talked about antidote that Mohinder devised or they were just taken away by Arthur. Which leads me neatly to my next point, and that is the death of characters that were relatively entertainging. Micah and Monica were unceremoniously dumped, while Elle and Adam were killed off and Maya just stood around doing very little. As the cast expanded it became clear that the writers were having difficulty knowing what to do with them, and as a consequence they were just tossed aside.

And so with the ratings progressively deteriorating decisions were made and Loeb was given the chop (although curiously he was credited until the very end) and Tim Kring, apparently, returned to being the showrunner.
Finally the storyline of the heroes being rounded up came into play, but sadly they didn't end up being contained; rather they spent most of the time being on the run from the Hunters. Tracy Strauss, the new character portrayed by Ali Larter - a character with a very dark side, which was a nice move - was effectively sidelined (though she did very little for the opening part of the season). And then there was just a little too much character development, as most of the characters, when they weren't on the run, were moping about how they got into this position.

And then came Episode Twenty, and Bryan Fuller who had returned to be a consulting producer, delivered a script that was simply sublime. Tracy met with a devastating end (or did she?) while Micah returned showing initiative and power. For the next five episodes, the series delivered what it had done in Season One; action mixed with character moments that paid off and explained the motiviations of the characters, most notably Angela who had appeared to be virtually schizophrenic until we finally discovered why she did what she did.

I had been hoping for a huge showdown at the end of Volume Three, with the heroes uniting to battle Arthur Petrelli, but it turned out to be nothing but an anticlimax. Happily, though we didn't get the big fight against Sylar at the end of Volume Four, instead we got the heroes working together towards the eventual aim. The costs were high, as they had been in the finale of Season One, but the final actions of the characters have created some interesting pathways to explore next season.

Season Two had dared to be different to Season One, but Season Three seemed to be lost, struggling to recapture what was lost from the previous two season, whilst attempting to make its own identity. The theory didn't really work, and perhaps the writers would have been better starting afresh, without the leftover storylines of Season Two, and without attempting to be like the previous two seasons; rather just doing what it needed to do.

Season Four has been greenlit for the programme, as the show still is one of NBC's big winners despite the ratings fall, but hopefully the writers will learn from the mistakes of Season Three, utilise the characters better and finally slough off the stigma of the writer's strike. I don't think NBC will be forgiving if Season Four fails.

Doctor Who: Image Of The Fendahl (BBC DVD)

In England this month, Image Of The Fendahl comes to DVD, with its Australian release just a few months away. I have to admit to be slightly biased in regards to this story as I remember watching it as a child and being just enamoured of it. Rewatching it, this is the story with English sex symbol Wanda Ventham, but frankly it is Leela (Louise Jameson) who blows me away. I've never really found the Doctor's companions of old hot, but I'm finding, more and more, that my feelings on that are changing, and frankly, Leela in those skins...

Back to maturity though!

Image comes at a strange time in Tom Baker's Doctor Who era; producer Philip Hinchcliffe had been stepped down due to the levels of violence and horror his stories had, and script editor Robert Holmes was keen to follow his boss, with whom he was very much in sync with. New producer Graham Williams was ordered to tone it all down, but convinced Holmes to stay on, and Image is Holmes last story (in production order) and it seems he's very much gone back to the style he preferred. Image has all the hallmarks of the Hinchcliffe era - a gothic horror story, homaging a classic (in this case the wonderful 1950's television series Quatermass And The Pit; although truth be told it probably owes more to the 60's Hammer film version than the BBC television version) and featuring some rather horrifying and violent moments. There is, in fact, one scene that is extremely shocking, and even Tom Baker, on the audio commentary seems shocked by it.

The story essentially stems around a skull that is twelve million years old, and the Doctor and Leela have tracked down a time rift which is powering up the skull to release a creature that was imprisoned by the Time Lords and which feeds on death itself. It's simple enough, and the story itself is just rife with wonderfully atmospheric scenes, such as the opening where a hiker is killed by an unknown force, which ultimately affects the Doctor at the end of Part One. Performances are quite fantastic all round, though there are three performances which are, quite frankly, mesmerising.

Dennis Lill plays Dr Fendelman, with a teutonic accent and a mustache that deserves its own spin-off series. That aside though, he positively throws himself into his performance and is just amazing. Daphne Heard, similarly bizarrely accented but without the mo, plays ole Mrs Tyler who baint be approvin' of them scientists, but there's just something about her that makes you shut up and accept everything that comes out of her mouth without a second's hesitation.
However, it is Tom Baker who steals the show. With Williams in the producer's chair, Baker was getting more and more opportunity to do exactly what he wanted to with the part. His ad libs come think and fast in this story, with some moments such as the Doctor telling his feet to move, and then telling them to turn around, showing Baker at his most off the cuff extravagant. The thing about this, though, is that Baker is constantly charismatic. He's like William Shatner...just completely bizarre and yet compelling viewing. Baker is not my favourite Doctor, but there's no denying that his sheer charisma makes him the most watchable of them all, dragging the audience in with his golf ball eyes and making them follow him like a bohemian Pied Piper. In Image he switches from over the top eccentricity to sombre authority. He's truly fabulous.

However, the true star of the story is director George Spenton-Foster. He appears to be absolutely against long shots, and there are copious amounts of close ups, moodily lit, that truly make the story claustrophobic. Doctor Who seems to work at its best when you have a small group of people in a small space, with something outside trying to get in, and something inside going slowly mad (the formula still works; note Midnight). Spenton-Foster knows exactly how the formula nees to work, and brings it home with a bang.

The DVD for this one is one of the "cheap" DVDs, which means that, instead of five documentaries, you only get one; you get the audio commentary, deleted scenes and digital restoration (which is, as always, superb). So, fundamentally, it's still a great DVD with some great extras, and given the tendency recently for DVD documentaries to have a barely peripheral association to the story that it is associated with, it's nice to have just one documentary that is entirely focussed on Image Of The Fendahl. That said, the documentary itself doesn't really reveal an awful lot of new information for the hardened fan, but for others it will be a nice grounding - though I was astonished to discover that everybody hates the Fendahleen...I love them. I think they look great.

But all the extras could be tossed aside for the audio commentary. Tom Baker, Louise Jameson, Wanda Ventham (Thea) and Edward Arthur (Colby) are all terribly entertaining, regaling the audience with stories that have nothing to do with the story, but are fascinating, and, of course, Tom Baker is without doubt as mad as a hat full of berries, discussing how old women ask him about his sonic screwdriver, and how he is mistaken for Claire Rayner.

This is another great DVD from the Doctor Who Restoration Team, and is an absolute classic Doctor Who story that everyone should have on their shelves.

The Biggest Loser Australia (Couples) - Season 4

And so The Biggest Loser (Couples) comes to an end, with twelve weeks of Ten regretting having gotten rid of Big Brother, and so making up for it by putting TBL contestents through more and more ridiculous challenges.
I said at the beginning of this season that it looked like it was going to be the most gimmickiest of the entire lot, but as time went on it became clear that, not only was it the most gimmickiest, it was also going to be the one that was most manipulated by the producers. This is, of course, the one thing that lead to the downfall of BB, and so it was the one thing you'd think the producers would attempt to avoid.
Nonetheless as the game progressed it became clear that the producers had favourites that they were determined were not going to be leaving the show, and it was clear that Nathan was at the top of this list, as despite being voted off the programme twice he was returned both times.
This year seemed to be the year of catchphrases, as "the game was about to change forever" and "we've come to the pointy end of the game" were trotted out with monotonous regularity. Seriously though, unless the game was suddenly changed to "the contestent with the biggest weight gain is the winner" how exactly would the game change forever? I do remember, rather entertainingly, that on one walk, Nathan was told that the power he had was unprecendented in the history of The Biggest Loser. I can't remember what that power was (it was so memorable), but I do remember Sharif commenting, on Nathan's return, that he had no power whatsoever. So much of TBL was a case of build it up, because it's nothing.
It was nice to see that Bob and Jillian weren't remotely associated with the show this year, and it gave Shannon and Michelle the chance to really make their claim on the programme. I'm not entirely certain why, but obviously the producers decided that they needed more to make the programme work, and so aside from Shannon and Michelle, and the always entertaining Commando, we were given Emazon, who, quite frankly, was the most pointless person on the programme. Her workouts were not as terrifying as the Commando's and, aside from constantly shooting her in the dark, she wasn't even as terrifying as Michelle on a bad day.
Then, of course, we had the contestents, given to us in couples, which could have provided a bit of tension if you liked one half of the couple, but not the other, but at the end of the day, if you liked one, you would invariably like the other, and the feelings for hate were similar.
I couldn't stand first couple Tania and Ramses who were kicked out after a week and then bitched and moaned everytime we saw them again, even banging on about how they were going to kick arse when they had the chance to return. As it transpired they not only failed to kick arse, but also failed to lose much weight and it was a very poor final weigh in for them.
However, my feelings of hate for Tania and Ramses were nothing compared to the vitrolic loathing I had for bogan friend mothers Jodi and Jeda. Good god, could there be a more unlikable couple in the house? It seemed that they were going to take up the mantle of moaning and bitching from Tania, and then some. I was so pleased to see the back of them, and even more so, after they complained that they shouldn't be going, Sharif put them in their places. And then, after being told we'd be seeing two hot chicks in the finale, we still just saw two fat bitches.
I had something of a rollercoaster ride with Nathan and Andrew, initially liking them because of their blunt honesty about the way they played the game, but this turned to dislike when it became clear that they - or Nathan at the very least - were pricks in the way they played it. It was extremely entertaining when they attempted to manipulate Holly and Mel and it completely backfired. What shat me even more was how they kept on about the intention to get rid of the pair, and then turned about face. However, once the two were separated, it was interesting to see that Andrew became a whole lot more likable, and Nathan found his home having his arse repeatedly kicked by the Commando every day. And, to their credit, they looked fantastic at the final weigh in.
Holly and Mel were the most annoying couple in the show this year, sniping at each other and making no friends througout the entire show. However, what irked me even more was that they twice said they wanted to leave the game. Look, girls, if you want to go, SOD OFF! Don't wait til you're voted off - pack your bags and walk out the door. At the finale, Mel looked atrocious with hair that looked like she'd taken styling tips from the Jackson 5 (and complained that she still weighed the same as she did on the return weigh in - you chose to leave rather than continue to workout you stupid BITCH!), while Holly looked fantastic. Shame she didn't have the personality to go with it.
Amanda and Stewart had the most to lose, Amanda being an incredible 170 kilos, and yet by the end had managed to get that down to below 115, so big power to her. I felt for the two of them, although they were both a bit mercenary at times, and Amanda did come across as feeling a little bit sorry for herself. Stewart's weight loss was incredible, and Amanda, despite the fact that Ajay seemed to call on her to do it everytime she looked sideways, had a voice that was simply phenomenal. I hope she does get somewhere as an opera singer because she deserves to.
Sammi and Cameron didn't impress me to start with, and this was the one pair that did actually split opinion. I quite liked Sammi, but Cameron was a miserable, negative git, that just moaned for the entire twleve weeks. He finally managed to pull his act together, but still he seemed to chuck a tantrum in the final week. At the end of the day the pair were really non-entities, but I was glad to see Sammi ignore her father and friend and, when given the choice of evicting Sharif or Stewart, she followed her heart and got rid of Stewart, rather than her friend.
Ben and Sean were non-entities for the majority of the time they were in the show as a couple, though I do recall the week they had to have takeaway food for the entire week and Ben chucked the shits because he thought it was counter-productive. Quite frankly I was in complete agreement with him and it makes you wonder why the show does this to these poor bastards. Happily, after Ben left, Sean stepped up and became a quiet little powerhouse. At the final weigh-in I was astonished at how much weight Ben had lost as he looked amazing, but was utterly pleased as punch that Sean won the eliminated contestants prize as he the amount of effort he put into working out was incredible. It was also good to see he got rid of that godawful gap in his teeth.
Tears seemed to be the order of the series with Sean bursting into them every five minutes, but when he wasn't crying it was Julie. Julie and her daughter Meaghan represented the old woman and the hot woman. Meaghan was clearly a bit of a stunner and when she turned up in the finale she looked absolutely hot as. However, it turned out she was a bitch and far more manipulative than anyone claimed - indeed although Julie said Meaghan played honestly, it was clear that that was anything but the case. Julie, on the other hand, sobbed her way to the final five, and most hilariously, when meeting Emazon, walked into an empty room and burst into tears. I felt bad for her as she clearly had issues, but dear oh dear...
My favourite pairing from the outset were Sharif and Teresa, not just because Sharif was 180 kilos (always back the biggest), but because they were fair, honest and determined. From the outset they lead the way, helping others who couldn't quite keep up, and taking the lead in a quiet and effective way. I cheered all of them, and was devastated when Teresa was sent home, but more so when it was Sharif - sent home on Meaghan's whim rather than a proper elimination. When Sharif got the chance to return I was exteremely happy. The weight loss on both of them by the finale was amazing, and they both looked fantastic - Teresa, actually, looked hot. This was the pair everyone should have aspired to, and they really were fantastic role models.
Finally there was the winning combination of Bob and Tiffany. Bob, the oldest contestent ever, was like the energizer bunny, never giving up and just giving it his all from start to finish. His final weight loss (55% of his body weight!) was absolutely incredible, but the fact he was such a decent and nice guy made me glad he won the competition. Tiffany, seemed a bit of a wishy-washy character and never really established a particularly strong personality, but she was clearly determined and I was just as glad to see her get into second spot. Credit to her.
I didn't find TBL to be compulsive viewing this year, and I don't think I watched a single friday night episode as they are becoming more and more reduntant - stupid challenges which aren't resolved until the Sunday anyway. The producer's interference in the show is getting too obvious and unless they want to go down the BB path they really need to pull back from that. Perhaps just going back to the old days of fat people working out and losing weight might be a better idea for next year?

Doctor Who: The Forgotten (IDW Comics)

It's kind of funny to think that Doctor Who's big break in America is more likely to come through a series of original comics there than through the television series, tucked away on the Sci-Fi Network - although truth to tell, the ratings there may still be higher than the sales of the comics.

Nonetheless along comes - and I've been quite slow in this review - The Forgotten, a trade paperback, collecing the six issues of the series written by Tony Lee and Pia Guerra, with Stefano Martino and Kelly Yates.

Of course the big hook about this series is that it actually features all ten Doctors over the six part series. The tenth Doctor wakes up to find himself in a museum to himself and on touching a variety of objects presented to him by Martha, he recalls adventures from his past. Ultimately, however, he is being pursued by someone who has the ability to manipulate the environment that the Doctor is in.

The nine mini stories are all quite entertaining, though by virtue of the fact that they are really only about 10 pages long, there is not an awful lot of depth to them. The big mystery is actually who is manipulating the Doctor and why Martha seems to know things that she couldn't possibly know.

Lee's story is fun and light, but lacks any real substance to it, appearing to be, more often than not, an excuse to bring the ten Doctors together. One feels though that this could have a little more editing to it to give a bit more definitive characterisation to it.

On the artwork side, Nick Roche provides the covers for the first five issues, and it's pretty clear that it is a good thing he isn't doing the inside art. While it's all very well to describe Tennant as a virtual cartoon, the fact is that there are times when Roche's artwork is so far removed it's not funny. Indeed, given the versions he does of the various Doctors on the front covers, we should perhaps be grateful that Roche at the very worst wasn't given the chance to draw any more McGann or Eccleston.

Guerra, on the other hand, seems to have a slightly better idea of what she is doing, though and her renditions of the various Doctors are quite good (although her second Doctor is waay off in the final issue). Stefan Martino has a bit of fun with the fourth and fifth Doctors, while Kelly Yates gets the chance to do the eighth and ninth Doctor's, though she is probably the weakest of the three artists.

All told, The Forgotten is a better miniseries than Agent Provocateur, but to date both of them lack what makes the new series what it is today - the emotion. A comic allows for an epic grand scale, but there is plenty of room for character as well.

The Pink Panther 2

People who have the time to care may discover that I didn't entirely hate the new version of the Pink Panther, even in spite of it having the obvious pitfalls that I suspected it would have, and so I toddled off to see The Pink Panther 2 with my expectations a little higher than they were for the first film. Incidentally, I think it's pretty clear that the days of unique titles for sequels have passed - now we just stick a number after the original title, or attempt to do something clever like put a number into the original title. With Fast & Furious it looks like they can't even bothered to change the original title...people will still go see it no matter what.

The big difference between the new series of Pink Panther films and the original series is the target audience. Blake Edward's films may have been slapstick, but the target audience was clearly an adult audience (witness the amount of boobage in A Shot In The Dark if you don't believe me). Steve Martin's films are a family event, and the first film succeeded by catering to that audience. That said, it's strangely where the second film tends to go awry. For some reason, while most people know they are making a family film, some of the screenwriters (possibly Martin himself) has forgotten this, and there are a few jokes in the film which sit uncomfortably with the rest of the film - most notably the jokes about being politically correct. Now, while I laughed out loud at these jokes, and particularly enjoyed the "my little yellow friend" reference to the original films, the joke about oggling the beautiful girl - funny though it was - seemed just crass given the level of the film. I had a similar feeling when, in "The Cat In The Hat", the cat almost swore.

The other thing that is infinitely annoying about this film is the complete lack of continuity with the first film in regards to the Pink Panther. In the first film, it was the largest diamond in the world, but was in a ring on a football coach's hand. Now, it is the symbol of France and is far, far too big to be in a ring. This sort of carelessness is, quite frankly, just annoying and it's here where the screenwriters and producers need to go back to the original films to take some lessons: don't contradict yourself...you don't have to have the Pink Panther in the film to call it a Pink Panther film. All it needs is Clouseau.

Steve Martin makes less of an impact as Clouseau this time round, and sadly, once again saves the day by being a very intelligent detective rather than than just extraordinarily lucky. Fortunately, while Martin is going overboard with his physical comedy and just looking stupid, there are others to take on some of the comedy - in this case Alfred Molina and, surprisingly, Andy Garcia. Molina has some clever lines, but Garcia comes dangerously close to stealing the movie with amazing precision on his lines and, more than that, giving some equally clever slapstick comedy. I would actually love to watch more of Garcia's character rather than Martin's.

I see that the box office returns for this film are particularly bad and so, as a consequence, I doubt we will see a Pink Panther 3. At the end of the day this is probably a good thing. There is a place for this kind of film, but it's quite far removed from the original Pink Panther concept and as a result really isn't a Pink Panther film.

Doctor Who: Beautiful Chaos (BBC Books)

Gary Russell has had a pretty charmed life given he is a Doctor Who fan and one would assume that, although he hasn't gotten to actually portray the Doctor, he must have reached the second best goal of his life. Over the years he has produced Doctor Who audios, written Doctor Who novels and is now a script editor at Upper Boat. It's a little surprising then that Beautiful Chaos is his first New Series Adventure.

Beautiful Chaos has Donna return to Earth and so characterisation is going to be the most important thing in this novel as the Doctor/Donna relationship has to now factor in Sylvia and Wilf. Writing for Donna is a bit tricky, as one tends to write more for Catherine Tate than for Donna, and writing for Sylvia is just as hard as you have to make a negative character still sympathetic. Regardless of the story of Beautiful Chaos, Russell has managed to nail the four central characters and the complex relationships between them. Wilf is postive, loving of Donna's new life and deeply respectful of the Doctor, while Sylvia is negative, but for all the right reasons - she is terrified of losing her daughter so soon after losing her husband, she has shouldered huge responsibilities while Donna has left them, and she is struggling to accept the situations that have been thrust onto them. The majority of the story takes place before Donna is finally returned to her family, but a coda gives us a chance to see that even Sylvia has a grudging respect for the Doctor and an understanding of what he means to Earth.

Perhaps unsurprisingly given his tendency towards what people refer to as "fanwank", Beautiful Chaos mines the series history for its villain, bringing us the evil Mandragora Helix that once plagued the fourth Doctor and Sarah Jane in Italy during the 15th century. Central to the Doctor's defeat of this entity, which is attempting to manifest and control Earth, is an elderly lady who Wilf has taken a shine to, and who suffers from Alzheimer's. This is a tricky topic to deal with and Russell handles it rather sweetly, not shying away from the disease and the inevitability of its outcome. Rather nicely as well is Wilf's wonder why the Doctor can't cure it after all his travels.

All in all, Beautiful Chaos is probably the best of the four Doctor/Donna novels to date, helped no doubt by the fact that Donna's journey has finished on screen. But good work Gary for providing such a great character driven story.

Doctor Who: Planet Of The Dead

When you set the bar high, if you fall short people are going to criticise you for not being as good as you were. For James Bond that meant that Licence To Kill, despite being a box office smash, was regarded as a bit of a failure because it didn't make as much money as the other Bond movies - it was compared to it's predecessors, rather than it's competition. So as a result of that, with Doctor Who's special effects always looking so great these days, I have a gripe about the CGI rendered flying bus at the end of Planet Of The Dead. It just looked more than a little pasted on, particularly when one of the swarm smashed into it and appeared to make no indentation on the bus whatsoever.
It's a pretty good thing, I feel, when the biggest complaint you have with an episode of Doctor Who is the below-par CGI. In light of the fact that this episode was still in post production days before it was broadcast, perhaps the smash of the bus in Dubai caused the tighter than usual post production.

There were a number of things to note about this particular story, and one of them was the much talked about overseas shooting in Dubai. Dubai looks quite impressive as the planet Sans Helios, effectively nothing more than a giant desert, but one can't help feeling that it was marginally unnecessary.

The guest cast was up to its usual standard, but there were four standouts for me, all of whom deserved to be mentioned. From the least important; Noma Dumezweni returning as Captain Magambo (although this is the first time she appeared in the normal universe) gave us a lot more to the character than was seen in her last appearance. Of particular note was her pulling a gun on her scientific advisor to order him to shut down the ever growing wormhole that was the mcguffin of this episode. Harsh though it may seem, her actions seem very much in keeping with a UNIT soldier who sees the protection of the planet more important than the safety of a few civillians.

Next up is Ellen Thomas as Carmen, the older lady who has a psychic gift which gets better and better on the alien planet of the dead. Although she has very little to do, really, in the story, it is her prophecy to the Doctor at the end of the story that is more disturbing than anything else.

Lee Evans plays UNIT scientist Dr Malcolm Taylor who is an affectionate parody of the traditional Doctor Who fan (unlike the parody that was the Victor Kennedy). Taylor has read all the Doctor's files and knows his adventures inside out and loves the Doctor. With his county accent and "I love you, I love you, I love you" line at the end of the episode, this character had great potential to be extremely annoying and, frankly, crap. However, Evans gives the character a lot of warmth and is a very, very likable person.

But it was Michelle Ryan that generated the most concern for the hardcore Doctor Who fans. Her turn in Bionic Woman was hard to pin down, and despite a good performance in Jekyll, there was always the Eastenders shadow hanging over her. As Lady Christina de Souza, Michelle Ryan played a companion very much in the mould of Romana, and this character worked very well opposite Tennant. Christina has Martha's sass, Donna's independence and Rose's admiration of the Doctor. I wanted her to continue with the Doctor on his travels, and was disappointed that she didn't.

Cast aside, as usual, and with the exception of a certain bus, the production was up to its usual standards. The Swarm was quite disturbing, and looked quite scary, while the Tritovores, which in photo looked terrible, came across quite effectively and their deaths were actually a little sad.

I found myself enjoying Planet Of The Dead a lot more than I did The Next Doctor, and as we count down to the Doctor's tenth regeneration, it seems as though we have some great stories to come.

Red Dwarf: Back To Earth

It's been twenty-two years since Red Dwarf first lazily made its way across our screens, at the time being repainted by its slobby only-living crew member Dave Lister, and nine years since the substantial former-hologram Arnold Rimmer kneed Death in the balls to make an escape from the Reaper. Since that time, Red Dwarf fans (myself included) have hoped for a return from the team, and our hopes were constantly kept up by "The Movie" - a movie with a script, a cast, but with no funding.

Now Back To Earth brings the crew back for three episodes (half a season no less). Sadly, there is something less than satisfying about this particular outing.

It really comes down to the fact that Back To Earth is essentially a "best of" collection of the original series. Three episodes without, sadly, an original idea in sight.
The first episode has the crew bored out of their brains (hello Backwards) while Kryten is on holiday, but on his return they discover there is something on board the ship (hello Polymorph) and it is in the water supply. Kryten, Lister and Cat go to investigate, leaving Rimmer to man the sonar (hello Back To Reality). When they destroy the squid in the water (Back To Reality again) a new hologram arrives giving Rimmer a day to get his affairs in order (err...Me^2) and then sends the entire crew into a new dimension.

I won't bother detailing the final two episodes, which essentially revolve around the crew discovering they are fictional characters of a television show called Red Dwarf, and they need to find their creator, a la Blade Runner. Finally, they discover that they are recycling the actual plot of Back To Reality.

The first episode takes about ten minutes for the actors to get their act together and remember how they played their parts, and at that point the squid fight takes place which is quite entertaining - primarily because Rimmer dances to elevator music as the fight gets out of control on the screens behind him. It's very slapstick, but it's the highlight of the episode. Indeed, it's the highlight of the first two episodes. If the first episode was a slow news day on the Dwarf, the second episode is positively static. The concept of the crew discovering that they are fictional characters was extremely clever and very funny in Back To Reality, primarily because it allowed the cast to play an alternative group of characters who were quite far removed from their regular characters. Sadly, although the plot of Back To Reality is recycled here, the alternative characters don't actually appear and so as a consequence there is little to actually laugh at.

Part Three is probably the funniest of the three episodes, and strangely enough the appearance of Kochanski actually lightens the episode. Craig Charles got the opportunity to have a rather emotional moment in Part One, but in Part Three the ending is Charles best acting in the entire nine series. Part Three also contains the other funny moment in the story as Krtyen, Rimmer and Cat attempt to inveigle themselves into Coronation St.

Sadly Part Three also contains more recycling than the rest of the episode, including obvious jokes from The Simpsons and plot from Blade Runner. Even worse, the Blade Runner and Red Dwarf plot points are actually highlighted when the characters remind the audience of the episode they came from.

Tim McInnerny said that he would never do another series of Blackadder because people didn't want to see the cast fat and bald; they wanted to remember the series as it was. Red Dwarf is proof positive that it is better to travel in hope than it is to arrive as after waiting nine years for Red Dwarf to return, the result is nothing short of a waste of talent.

Bernice Summerfield: The Two Jasons

I was about two-thirds of the way through The Two Jasons when I suddenly thought to myself, "hold on a sec...this is just Death And Diplomacy all over again". Sure enough by the time I got to the end of the novel (or novella really, because this is not a terribly long book), Dave Stone pointed out that he was indeed just retelling the Death And Diplomacy story because it needed to be told for the new audience of Benny fans who would never have read this book.

Except...I'm willing to bet that the only people who are listening to these Benny audios, and reading these Benny novels are only doing so because they continued on from reading The New Adventures back in the nineties. And after nine years, if people are still listening/reading these things then they don't really have a lot of a problem with the Jason/Benny backstory.

So essentially, one can't help but wonder...what's the point of this book then? It tells a story that most of its audience has already read or really don't care about.

OK, yes the story is quite entertaining (although you really need to be a fan of Stone's work or, quite frankly, you'll hate the entire thing) and yes there are some new elements in the book that we haven't read before, but frankly it's going to take more than a "ooohhh look - Roz and Chris...and a thinly veiled reference to the Doctor" to make the book worthwhile.

Doctor Who: The Story Of Martha (BBC Books)

Series Three of Doctor Who provided Martha with a nice, year long gap to have a lot of adventures that we would never know about because the entire year was undone when the paradox machine was destroyed. Dan Abnett attempts to bridge the gap a little with this particular novel, though it is interspersed with a number of short stories by other writers who give us adventures that Martha had with the Doctor elsewhere.

David Roden's story tells how a group of people appear to be turning into monsters, though it transpires that this is actually a natural evolution and when the final survivor gets the opportunity to die or change...well...

Steve Lockley & Paul Lewis tell the story of a space station who receive messages from aliens that offer the the opportunity to solve all their problems.

Robert Shearman's story deals with the Doctor and Martha joining an explorer who plans on going to Antarctica, but the Doctor begins to realise that they are going nowhere and have been doing the same thing over and over again.

Finally Simon Jowett's story is a love story of a human and an "artificial" which is forbidden, although it soon turns out that the humans are actually only advanced "artificials".

Most of these stories, truth to tell, are quite underwhelming. Only Robert Shearman's story really stands out above the others, and this is primarily because it is told in such a different style to the other three.

However, that said, the framing story is quite a lot of fun as we join Martha tracking across the world and we discover why Japan was destroyed at the Master's insistence. It's quite a novel idea to think that an alien race were about to invade Earth but were interrupted by the arrival of the Master's own invasion.

The Story Of Martha is an entertaining read, and shows that there is still a place for the short story concept in the new world of Doctor Who. It's a shame that we don't see more of it.

Monsters Vs Aliens

Dreamworks seemed initially to be just knocking a few animated movies together in an effort to make some money. There was hardly any attempt to actually do it properly, and on occasion it seemed that their ideas were identical to other animated movies that were being released at the time. With Monsters Vs Aliens, Dreamworks has come up with a very clever idea that incorporates a few quite funny concepts.

Told mostly from the perspective of Susan, we meet a young woman who is hit by a meteorite and promptly becomes a giant (with white hair, bizarrely). And so we get the first thread of the storyline which is Susan attempting to deal with becoming a "monster" and being unable to return to her old life.
We meet the other monsters - the Missing Link, Bob, Dr Cockroach and Insectosaurus. It's worth mentioning the rather excellent vocal work down by actors Reese Witherspoon (Susan), Seth Rogan (Bob), Hugh Laurie (Cockroach) and Keifer Sutherland (playing their captor General W R Monger). These actors really bring their characters to life and ingest them with a large amount of humour.

Of course the fact is that the monsters are all based on a group of 50's monsters that were always a bit of a joke (50ft woman, the Blob, the creature from the black Lagoon, and one of Godzilla's opponents). It's this sort of thing that really, really makes the movie a family movie - the kids can enjoy the general silliness, but the adults, particularly the older ones, who can identify who these monsters actually are.

Through in an alien who looks like a 1950s alien, but with tentacles, and agani Rainn Wilson gives Gallaxhar the OTT performance that is perfectly required.

There is still a lack of depth to this movie, unlike the Pixar movies, but Dreamworks is clearly making a lot of effort, and they are starting to produce some quite quality work.

My Word Is My Bond

Of all the actors to play James Bond, you have to admit that only Roger Moore seems completely happy with having done the part. He's the only Bond to do audio commentaries for his movies (OK, Brosnan did one, but you get the feeling he was contractually obliged to) and the only one who seems to have enjoyed his time on the series with no regrets. Connery hates it, Lazenby regrets what happened, Dalton is reclusive about it, Brosnan regrets it. You may think he can't act, you may think he is too soft, but Roger Moore is an English gentleman. He is self-effacing, occasionally modest, tremendously witty and a real movie star.

His autobiography, consequently, reflects all of these things. Moore spends the entire book recounting mostly happy tales about his life which was predominantly good. He hardly ever has nasty things to say about people and when he does he leaves the identity of the person a secret (with the exception of David Niven's wife about whom he hardly has anything nice to say). His stories start from an interesting childhood (with some bizarre stories about circumcision) and continue to today, including his recent battle with prostate cancer.

Bond fans will have to wait til about half way through the book before he gets to the seminal character, but it's easy to forget that Moore had done so much more before those movies, including appearing in Ivanhoe, Maverick, The Persuaders and, of course, becoming the definitive Saint. Throughout this time we learn about his contracts with Warner and MGM, and with his hobnobbing with such names as Elvis Presley, David Niven, Tony Curtis, Audrey Hepburn, Joan Collins, Moore comes across as a true old-fashioned movie star. He was Hollywood glitz and glamour, and yet has such a down-to-Earth English attitude, he can draw you into that world and make you feel part of it.

It's hard to review an autobiography because at the end of the day all you can gush about is how well written and engaging the actual story is, but you have to be interested in Roger Moore to start with if you want to actually enjoy the book. If you enjoy Roger Moore, or are curious about some background details of his work, then this book will definitely give you what you are looking for. If not, you probably won't even consider buying it in the first place.

Knowing

Fifty years ago, a young girl wrote a continuous stream of numbers that predict the when, number of fatalities and where of every disaster for the next fifty years. With these in hand, one man tries to stop those forthcoming disasters...

Sound interesting? OK, well try this one.

A man finds a secret code that predicts the end of the world, but there is something missing. Tracking down the descendants of the woman who wrote the code, the man is desperate to find the missing piece of code that could save the world!

That one interesting as well? OK....what about...

The Apocalypse is nigh and the four Horsemen have arrived to collect the new Adam and Eve for a new Garden of Eden.

Knowing is actually all those three storylines thrown together with a great deal of personal angst for our main character. Now, for some, you may be thinking, that's an awful lot of stuff to have in a movie and one might arguably wonder if a story like this could lose focus somewhere along the line. And surprise, surprise, you would be dead right. Knowing has a huge number of brilliant concepts that would make a really fantastic movie, but it is the most poorly executed film I've seen in a very, very long time. The script is indeed the major problem here, requiring at least one more edit before it went before the camera. The best scripts are those where every action and every line leads towards something, be it resolution of tension, story or character. Knowing has too many loose ends. Rose Byrne's character, for instance, is virtually completely redundant to the film, providing no real forward motion for anything before leaving the story in a similarly pointless fashion.

Meanwhile, on the casting front, the movie also runs into problems. Byrne may not be too bad, but Nicholas Cage, unfortunately, is completely miscast. Cage has great difficulty in conveying a lonely father and is even more unbelievable as a research lecturer. Cage manages to engage on not a single level, leaving me completely disinterested in the entire movie, and more particularly his character. I don't care that he is estranged from his father, I don't particularly care about his home problems. And this surprises me because Cage is actually, generally, a pretty reliable actor.

By the end of the movie it becomes clear that someone was desperate to use up the CG budget and so we get some spectacular CG imagery, ranging from the destruction of Earth to a new Garden of Eden. Meanwhile the sound mixer had obviously decided that the dialogue was so inane that he was going to increase the volume of Marco Beltrami's score to drown out pretty much everything. Under normal circumstances this would be great, except Beltrami provides an absolute shit score.

I rarely come out of a movie feeling disappointed, but in this particular instance I really wish I hadn't wasted either my money or my time.

Friday The 13th

Hollywood has shown an absolute dearth of originality over recent years, taking all their non-sequel movie ideas generally from books, comics or old television series. Indeed, it has reached a point where they are now remaking old movies, and horror movies seem to be a goldmine, be it Halloween, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or My Bloody Valentine. Friday the 13th is the most recent in this series of remakes.

The majority of previous horror remakes have attempted to make them grittier and realistic, giving us deep backstories to explain why our favourite psychopaths the way they are. As a result, they are often a little demystified. Michael Myers, for instance, has ceased to be a disturbingly, motiveless, masked killer and is now an abused man who kills in the same mask his sister was shagged in by her boyfriend.

When it was announced that Friday the 13th was to be remade, there was a little concern, not least when it was altered to actually be remaking the first four movies, otherwise there'd be no Jason or hockey mask. But a lot of people were concerned at the thought Jason may become another tortured young child taking his revenge on society.

Happily he's not. Oh, sure, in the first five minutes we see Jason watching his mum get decapitated, but that's the extent of his motivations - exactly as it was twenty-seven years ago. In fact, for all the claims that this is a remake, the truth is there is pretty much nothing to mark this as a remake. Nothing contradicts earlier movies (although the original flashback is slightly different) and it easily flows on from Freddy Vs Jason. In fact, although Jason is a more intelligent hunter in this movie, you could argue that his higher intellect was amped up by Freddy when he left hell. So I'm happy to call this movie by it's Canadian title - Friday the 13th Part XII!

This is a homage movie, of sorts though. The dialogue is just as cringe-worthy at times as the original movies, and of the five girls, three of them get their boobs out as soon as possible, one for the most tenuous of reasons. It's all very Friday the 13th. The characters follow the stereotypes: a good girl, the rude slut, the naughty girl, the loving girlfriend, the geek, the annoying prat, the wild guy...they're all there. Even some of the killings pay a nod to the past with a variation of the sleeping bag kill and Jason himself getting strangled with a chain. And of course the ending...but let's not spoil that.

But what is curious about this movie is the couple of surprises in this movie. When five horny teenagers turn up and get slaughtered within the first twenty-five minutes and *then* the title card is shown, you get thrown slightly and realise that you're getting two little movies for the price of one. Equally, having been a great fan of horror movies for a long time, you get the hang of the characters and are able to pick which is the girl that's going to be the one to send Jason to hell. However, while I had in my mind exactly who it was going to be, when she was killed I was quite, quite surprised.

Most of the cast deliver what is expected of them, and the appearance of Ryan Hansen was a pleasant surprise, though it did confirm that he plays himself all the time. Jared Padalecki is good as the "good guy" in the film, mainly because he *gets* what the movie is about - an ever so slightly tongue-in-cheek horror movie. Meanwhile, the two lead girls - Danielle Panabecker and Amanda Righetti - are both wonderful and are instantly likable.

In my mind I had exactly what I wanted from a Friday movie, and this movie delivered all of it. At one point I was concerned we weren't going to get some mad old person preaching doom and gloom, but as soon as the thought crossed my mind, a mad old biddy told Jared Padalecki that all outsiders got killed. Nice. As a result I couldn't be more satisfied with this movie.

Watchmen

Watchmen was the most anticipated comic book adaptation ever. Never mind your Dark Knight's...Watchmen was the movie that fans have been hanging out for; that everyone has been hanging out for. Well, I say everyone, but I obviously don't include Alan Moore. Given the choice between Watchmen and Howard the Duck, I suspect Moore would settle on George Lucas' comic book epic over his own.

But Watchmen is first and foremost, in this media, a movie, so before we start looking at comparisons, let's give it the fairness it deserves and look at the actual movie.

It's 1985 and America, with Richard Nixon as third-term president, is on the verge of nuclear war with Russia. The only thing holding them back is the presence of the powerful superhuman Dr Manhatten, the last superhero left after "The Watchmen" were outlawed some years earlier. When one of the former Watchmen, the Comedian is murdered, the other Watchmen find their lives starting to come together to learn the reason behind the murder...and nuclear war grows ever closer.

Visually the movie is spectacular, looking brilliant in almost everyway, from some brilliant character design (most particularly Dr Manhattan, although looking at his nob gets a little boring after a while) to amazing special effects and a, quite frankly, breath taking structure on Mars, the budget is clearly seen on screen. The whole thing is expansive and epic, which is possibly to remind the audience that that is what director Zack Snyder thinks the movie is as well.
But some bizarre aesthetic choices and a script that doesn't entirely convince causes Snyder's vision to fall short. There is something just a little absurd about a giant blue man killing the Viet Cong to the strains of Wagner's Flight Of The Valkyries. I've always maintained that comic book movies need to exist in a heightened reality, but if that reality is pushed too far - such as Batman & Robin - you can't really take the movie seriously. Snyder comes close to pushing the reality in scenes such as the one I mentioned just beyond breaking point.

Equally the motivations of some of the characters seems very odd. The villain's plan (and it's not particularly difficult to guess who the villain is given the actor's and director's choices) seems reliant on the entire population suddenly deciding that they don't particularly want Dr Manhattan to hang around. When it is revealed that Dr Manhattan appears to have given three people cancer, there is no particular indication that the world believes this, and given that, later, the President is still waiting for Dr Manhattan to return and save them, one would assume that he is still in the people's graces, and they are hardly likely to suddenly turn on him.

The true problem with Watchmen, regardless of what anyone tells you, is that it is criminally boring. With so many interesting characters and a quite in depth story to tell, the movie just seems to drag on without actually engaging the interest of the viewer. The cheif reason for this is that, at the end of the day, not a single one of the superheroes is vaguely heroic.

The Comedian, Rorschach and Dr Manhattan are all supposed to be heroes that live, very much, in the world of gray, but one gets the feeling that Nite Owl and Silk Spectre (the second incarnations of both) are supposed to be more representative of what our ideal hero is - and yet both stand by and do nothing as Rorschach murders a criminal in revenge, and then look and each other and shrug as though waiting for a "da-na-na-nuh-na-nuh. NAH!" sound effect. When faced with a group of characters that you can't really sympathise with, let alone like, your movie suddenly runs into some difficulty.

The sad thing is that the acting is actually of a particularly high quality. Malin Akerman is very likeable as Silk Spectre (until her character does something bizarre), while Billy Crudup and Jackie Earle Haley are very convincing as Dr Manhattan and Rorschach. However it is Jeffrey Dean Morgan who steals the show, cast absolutely perfectly as the Comedian, giving us the sick, twisted individual that he is, complete with all the character flaws he possesses. That said there are two performances that are quite unbearable - Carla Gugino as the original Silk Spectre and Robert Wisden as Richard Nixon, both of whom are not even remotely convincing as their characters, and one wonders if it has something to do with the fact both are under prosthetics throughout the movie. The prosthetics are particularly unconvincing.

Unfortunately, actors can only deliver a script to the best of their ability under direction, and when the latter two elements are letting them down, there is not an awful lot the actors can do about it.

But what about the movie as a comic adaptation?

Zack Snyder said: "Worst case scenario - Alan puts the movie on his DVD player on a cold Sunday in London and watches and says, 'Yeah, that doesn't suck too bad."

Alan Moore's response to this was: "That's the worst case scenario? I think he's underestimated what the worst case scenario would be... that's never going to happen in my DVD player in 'London'. I'm never going to watch this fucking thing." It's perhaps worth noting that Moore lives in Northhampton...

And that kinda sums up Snyder's approach to Moore's work - focussing on getting the little details perfect (but not quite making it) while at the same time missing the overall point. It's a little like building a copy of the White House and thinking "I need to get the exact right shade of white" while missing the columns on the front, and not realising that it is where the American President lives.

Moore hates all his movie adaptations, including V For Vendetta, but that movie is actually a movie that is a very good adaption of his work. Despite the change of setting (and indeed because of it), the movie is very faithful to the work, realising what the story is actually about and trying to make that work in today's world - which includes making it relevent. The problem with Watchmen is that what was relevent twenty years ago is not so much now, and it's difficult to get an audience to connect to that. Watchmen is a reflection and a response to the time it was written in. Snyder sees it as a superhero story in the vein of X-Men - real people with real problems, despite having amazing abilities.
The movie isn't about superheroes coming out of retirement, it's about nuclear war and the sacrifices that must be made to stop the end of the world. Gay characters abound in the comic, at a time when homosexuals were hiding in parks thanks to Thatcherism. Funnily enough they've all disappeared in Snyder's movie.

The movie attempts to be faithful to the comic by replicating designs and staging, and some of the more cringe-worthy dialogue (keeping in Rorschach's journals are a painful reminder of how some things work in comics that don't work on screen), but strangely enough chooses to change the ending to one that doesn't work quite as well as the original. It feels as though Snyder has read the comic book and said "those scenes look great, let's recreate them - do what needs to be done to the script to link them all together".

It's hard not to sympathise with Moore about the disappointment he feels over his movies, and never more so in this case. Perhaps, at the end of the day, Watchmen should never have been made into a movie. It just doesn't work that way.

Doctor Who: The Rescue & The Romans (DVD)

The Rescue and The Romans are an interesting pair of stories to release together on DVD (or, more accurately, in a boxed set), but strangely appropriate, and not just because they follow each other consecutively in original broadcast. Obviously these are the first two stories of Vicki, and show her becoming a member of the TARDIS team, but more interestingly the stories are actually poles apart in ideology and design and yet are written by the outgoing and incoming story editors of the series respectively.

The Rescue is, on the audio commentary, described as a whodunnit with one suspect, but that is grossly underplaying the story and not terribly fair. While there is an element of the whodunnit about it, a better description would be a what-is-it, and this refers to Koquillion, the monster at the heart of the story. Doctor Who often plays with the expectations people have on it (in The Hand Of Fear, Sarah Jane wonders if the gravel pit they have arrived in is another alien planet), and it's interesting that at the start of the second year of filming (which The Rescue is), the series already starts doing it. Koquillion is, of course, a man in a costume, and any fan of the series is automatically programmed to accept that this is a monster, particularly the forgiving audiences of the 1960s. When it turns out to be, literally a man in a suit, the audience would no doubt have been surprised, its expectations turned upside down.

Of course, as previously mentioned, this is the first appearance of Maureen O'Brien as vicki, the replacement for Susan who had left in the previous serial. The production team clearly weren't that keen to stray too far from design, and little orphan Annie, I mean Tanni...I mean Vicki (!) is a girl from the future who, despite being the link for the younger audience, is out of touch with today's world. However, whereas Carole Ann Ford delivered a performance that was just the wrong side of normal, Maureen O'Brien grounds Vicki very much as an everyday young girl. As Vicki is essentially Susan in all but name, it is to O'Brien's credit that her performance makes the character vastly different to her predecessor, and a lot more human - which is entirely appropriate as she is.

The Romans also turns expectations upside down - following on from the serious futuristic story of The Rescue comes an historical that, rather surprisingly, plays it for laughs. This story highlights the difference between David Whitaker's approach to Doctor Who, and his successor as story editor, Dennis Spooner's. Whitaker wrote The Rescue, which was commissioned by Spooner, but for The Romans we have the reverse - Whitaker commissioning Spooner. Whereas Whitaker liked his historical stories to be about the times they arrived in, Spooner preferred history to be a backdrop to the story of people there, including some great historical figure, this time in the form of Nero. Once you have Nero in Rome, there's a certain inevitability about where the story is going to go, and so there's little surprise to see Nero playing his lyre as Rome burns around him.

Where this story works so well is in the cleverness of the script. Often described as a comedy, the actual high comedy doesn't really come into play until Episode 3, where Nero turns into Benny Hill. But throughout the rest of the story there is comedy to be found in some sparkling dialogue and witty scenes. William Hartnell particularly seems to enjoy this, stealing every scene he is in and, according to the production subtitles, improvising his own comedy into the story - notably in a wonderful scene set in the sauna where the Doctor is on the verge of stabbing Nero with a sword everytime he turns around. The banquet scene in Episode 3 is, for me, the greatest moment in the entire story, as the Doctor "Emporer's New Clothes" his way through a lyre performance by not actually playing anything. Derek Francis delivers a line with wonderful timing, but the icing of the cake comes when, though being interrupted and applauded, the Doctor pretends to finish his imaginary piece. Its a golden moment, and, despite the best efforts of the rest of the cast - and they really do put in brilliant performances - shows that this is really Hartnell's show no matter what.

Both stories have retrospective documentaries on them, which are quite enlightening, although The Rescue's is the only contribution by Maureen O'Brien to the extras, which seems a bit of a waste in a boxed set that is essentially about vicki. The Romans, rather uniquely, also sees other actors who have played Nero over the years - such as Anthony Andrews and Christopher Biggins - chat about the character. The audio commentaries, moderated by comedian Toby Hadoke (the man who wrote and performed the play "Moths Ate My Doctor Who Scarf") all feature essentially the same lineup - William Russell, Christopher Barry, Raymond Cusick and, in the Romans, Barry Jackson and Nick Evans. In The Rescue, Barry and Cusick spend most of the time moaning about how unimpressed they are with the new series, but in The Romans they talk a little more about the story, but the majority of the anecdotes are recounted both here and in the retro-docos.

Both discs have photo galleries and production subtitles, but The Romans also has a little segment where Christopher Barry displays Raymond Cusick's cardboard model of the set, and then proceeds to bore us to tears explaining the camera moves. The other two documentaries are infinitely more interesting - one focussing on Dennis Spooner and his work both on Doctor and on television in general (wonderfully Brian Clemens is interviewed for this), while the other doco sees various actors discuss the Who girls of the 1960s. This latter documentary is fabulous, but has some strange choice of interviews - Maureen O'Brien is not present at all to discuss Vicki, but Jean Marsh is on hand to talk about Sara, whose status as a companion - as Marsh points out - is highly debatable. To cap it all off, a Blue Peter segment about how Romans eat is also included.

The second season of Doctor Who was determined to shake up the format a little and these two stories highlight that. The good thing about them, though, is that they are both very entertaining stories and well worth the buy.

Quatermass

The true grandfather of science fiction is actually a doddery old scientist from the 1850s called Bernard Quatermass, who apparently managed to give Britain it's very own shuttle technology with his Rocket Group. Three times in the fifties he ran into alien menaces, fighting plant creatures, alien invaders and the remnants of Martians plan to genetically alter us. And then, rather sadly, he disappeared off our screens, handing over to another doddery old scientist - Doctor Who.

Nigel Kneale, the series creator and writer, never had a lot of time for Doctor Who, and so it's a little ironic that the final outing Quatermass was to have, in 1979, would be produced by original Doctor Who producer Verity Lambert. However, the landscape had changed, and while Kneal insured his creation hadn't, the young upstart who had usurped Quatermass was not being played by Tom Baker and redefining what the audience wanted out of television science-fiction, in the wake of the release of Star Wars.

As a result, even for 1979, Quatermass feels a little out of date. Chock full of hippies wandering around looking for aliens to take them away, the story is effectively the young vs the old, with Quatermass in the middle trying to find his granddaughter, before coming down on the side of the old.

The story is, however, quite moody and more than a little disturbing - groups of young people of the "Planet People" cult, are gathering at stone circles whereupon a beam of light disintegrates them all. The Planet People sees this as the rescue they have been searching for, but the government sees this merely as mass slaughter and after a shuttle mission is destroyed, Quatermass is called in to help.

At times the story seems to go nowhere, and all episodes end with the beam striking the planet which lends some predictability to the story, not in a terribly good way. The cast, however, are uniformly excellent, with Mills playing the part very well, initially as a confused old man only interested in his granddaughter, before finding a new cause and a new purpose in life.

The story is also shot magnificiently, and the feel of a London having fallen into a 'Warriors' style society is portrayed magnificiently. And while the story in general may let down the piece as a whole, the ending is really quite sad, but strangely fitting not only for Quatermass but for British science-fiction as a whole.

Always intended to be both a four part broadcast story and a 100 minute movie, the DVD set comes with The Quatermass Conclusion - the movie form of the story which hacks away about sixty minutes of material, mostly, one suspects, from Episode 3, in which the plot really goes absolutely nowhere. There is also a documentary on Stonehenge which, while quite interesting, has a very tenuous connection to the story it is released with.

Quatermass is a nice final hoorah for the Quatermass series, but sadly it lacks the warmth of its predecessors, feeling more Wickerman than The Quatermass Experiment.

Torchwood - Pack Animals, SkyPoint, Almost Perfect

To date the Torchwood novels have been of varying quality, ranging from the pretty ordinary first three novels (which, admittedly, had the distinct disadvantage of having to be written after the very ordinary first season) to the slightly more enjoyable second trio (again, benefitting from coming after considerably better second season). The latest three novels - Pack Animals, SkyPoint and Almost Perfect - are easily the best the novel series has yet to release, completely embracing the new Torchwood philosphy, and presenting us with three slightly offbeat tales centering around a group of likable and friendly characters.

Pack Animals sees Gwen and Rhys preparing for their wedding (one notable aspect of these novels is that they are not consecutive, slotting into various points in Series II), but being attacked by a Weevil and a large flying dog in the shopping centre. More curious is that a "Magick" style game is on sale which features real aliens. Though this is an entertaining novel, it suffers from something that a lot of Peter Angelhides Torchwood work suffers from, and that's giving us mulitple examples of the situation that's occurring. We are subjected to copious alien attacks from the "Magick" cards, the majority of which don't really push the plot forward. Angelhides nails the characters marvellously (and indeed all these books do, but perhaps more impressively they also nail the character of Rhys really well), with some very witty moments including PC Andy stirring Rhys up about illegal parking. Angelhides brings us another group of people retreiving alien equipment, but we are shown quite clearly why it should be left to the experts. Of the three novels, though, Pack Animals is actually the weakest; that it is so good should give a lot of hope.

SkyPoint is more of a Tosh and Owen novel - which is about time, really - as, after Gwen and Rhys go looking for a new home, having recently been married, they discover a place where people are mysteriously vanishing. Enter Tosh and the deceased Owen, who become a married couple in order to discover what is going on - in this particular instance, a mobster who has a pet alien in the building that is randomly chowing down on people that take its fancy. As I said, this is Tosh and Owen's novel more than any of the others, and we get to see a great deal of their relationship and the motivations behind it, as well as some priceless moments, including Owen discovering that one of the occupants is a BDSM prostitute. Perhaps one thing that is not necessarily a criticism of this book as such, but of the book range in general, is the amping up of homosexuality. The criticism stems, not in the inclusion of it, but the apparent ignoring of lesbians. The Torchwood universe seems to be populated by a lot of open-minded people, but none of them are lesbians. In this book there is a gay couple who are simply gay, which is nice, but given the next book, perhaps it would have been just as effective if they were lesbians.

Almost Perfect is easily the best of the three novels, partially because it is written in such a brilliant style - James Goss writes his stories with a large number of very short chapters, but more often than not he likes to play with the style just a little - one chapter, for instance, is nothing more than a few lines of conversations. Equally, he actually uses chapter titles, but all are in the style of Facebook status updates (Jack is..., Gwen is... etc). This novel is set after Series II, and as such has only three Torchwood characters to deal with, which is something of a blessing as it means that all three (as well as Rhys) get some nice development, although again, this is more of a Jack and Ianto novel. The entire premise of the story - that Ianto has suddenly become a very beautiful woman along with a restaurant full of skeletons turning up - is quite mysterious and quite curious. The book centers, to a certain degree in the last third, around a gay nightclub, and it is for this reason that there seems to be a slight dismissal of lesbians, as we are presented with nothing but male homosexual couples in the novels. That aside though, this is easily the best novel of the three, and certainly the best novel of the entire range.

The Torchwood novels are really going from strength to strength as the writers get a better grip on who they are writing about and have more fun playing with the world Russell T Davies has created. Really looking forward to the next three.