Tomorrow Never Dies

OK, all the negative stuff out of the way in the first two paragraphs. Firstly, the theme song. The most bland, boring piece of music ever to grace the lucious titles of a Bond movie (and don't get me wrong - aside from some bizarre imagery, thanks to the script - the title sequence is fantastic). Just a shame that the theme song is so absolutely boring. And you know what the saddest part about all of this is? David Arnold was under the mistaken belief that the song he composed would be the theme, and used it throughout the score. It finally turns up in the closing credits and, guess what! It's about three hundred times better than Alanis Morisette's dirge at he beginning. Oh, why couldn't the producers have just stuck with the original plan?

Neil Purvis and Robert Wade have a lot to answer for in this movie, actually. Any faults can pretty much be blamed completely on them. There are a lot of problems with the script with things occurring that have to be explained in a throwaway line. General Chang is the best example. Is on screen for thirty seconds, but in the next two minutes we discover he is actually villain Elliot Carver's accomplice. Quite whatever happens to him, we'll never know. Lines have been cut left, right and center (don't believe me? Read the novelisation - it's based on an earlier draft and most of the stuff is still in that) and so the diamonds around the world that appear in the title sequence don't seem to have any point - but there was a line where Carver described his satellites as diamonds orbiting the planet. At one point Carver has a press conference to announce the completion of his global satellite network. A few scenes later, Gupta orders a satellite to be sent to the launch pad...why precisely? Aren't they all already in position? And can Stamper actually feel pain at all? He's stabbed several times in the movie and doesn't even seem put out. But the killer is Carver's plan - to start World War 3 in return for exclusive broadcasting rights in China for the next century. Now, there have been a lot of mad villain schemes in the past - blowing up Silicon Valley to increase the value of your hoarded micro chips; starting World War 3 to get money, or start a new world in space, or underwater; holding the world ransome with nuclear weapons. But in all these situations, if the plan fails, they lose everything. If the plan succeeds said villain is made for life. With Carver's plan, if it succeeds...well, it might still go all pear shaped because China might lose World War 3. Which begs the question...what's the bloody point?

But all that aside, this is a very entertaining film. Roger Spottiswoode may have had big problems with the cast, but it certainly doesn't show. Virtually the entire cast shine in this movie and very competently directed by Spottiswoode. And it is exquisitely shot and lit. Very, very beautiful. Curiously there are some slow-motion scenes in the movie which rather add nicely to the whole feel of the film. David Arnold scores the movie this time round, and it is the single best score since The Living Daylights. Arnold knows exactly what the Bond sound is, and adding some techno over the top brings it right up to date. I'm not entirely certain about his decision to use a different part of the James Bond theme for the gunbarrel, but thank god it sounds so much better that that rubbish Eric Serra had in GoldenEye. And, as I mentioned earlier, the closing theme, sung by kd Lang is absolutely brilliant. I notice, sadly, that Cubby Broccoli has passed away, getting an "In memory of" credit at the end, and the opening credits now read "Albert R Broccoli's Eon Productions presents" which is nice.

One thing in everyone's favour is that, despite a poor story, the actual screenplay, handled by writer Bruce Fierstein (apparently the man who "Bond"s up the screenplays), has some sparkling dialogue. There are som brilliant lines in the film, and everyone benefits from them.

Pierce Brosnan is still not entirely comfortable as Bond, although he is much better this time round despite actually looking older, bizarrely. He is still labouring under the delusion that "stoic" means "show no emotion" and as a result there are some rather boring moments from Bond himself. His flirting with Moneypenny is awkward and Brosnan plays Bond as the cool kid in the playground which is great for the BMW 750 car chase (which is an amazing moment in the film) where Bond is clearly having a ball, but no so great when Bond appears like a sulky kid if he doesn't get his own way. That said there are some brilliant Bond moments in the film - a great spy moment when he kills someone and then tricks Stamper into believing that it is Bond himself who has been murdered, and most impressively of all is the moment where Bond is, arguably, at his most ruthless, coldly killing Dr Kaufman. He is also a hypocrite, though, as he is suddenly against people smoking. Nice change of heart, Mr Bond. Also rather nice, is seeing Bond back in his naval uniform.

Michelle Yeoh is the chief Bond girl Wai Lin, and she is fantastic, although it appears there is a clause in her contract where she gets to have a martial arts fight at some point - though that point is great, and its worth sitting there for it. She plays her part very straight, clearly disinterested in Bond, although as the film progresses there is obviously not only some attraction but some admiration, and Yeoh hits her part just right, giving a few well placed smiles that indicate the feelings Wai Lin is developing for Bond. Brosnan also handles these scenes very nicely, and the relationship between the two is very believable. Contrary to the various reports and expectations, Teri Hatcher, fresh from her success in Lois & Clark, plays a very nice role as Paris Carver, the villain's wife and Bond's former lover, as it transpires. It's not a standout role, but it is played very well, and is very nice.

Back at home base, Judi Dench and Samantha Bond have settled very well into their roles, with a much better chemistry between the two than either share with Brosnan - although both vocally and physically, Bond looks a lot like a younger Dench, which is a little odd. Sadly there is no Tanner this time round, so Colin Salmon plays Charles Robinson who is (contrary to what everybody seems to claim) "M"'s senior analyst. It's a small role, but played very well, and a nice addition to the Bond films. Desmond Llewellyn returns, of course, and is a lot more competent in this movie, with some wonderful moments, and a classic "oh, grow up 007" which is perfectly timed and delivered. Julian Fellowes now plays the Minister of Defence, who is presumably not Freddie Gray, but it is Geoffrey Palmer who gets to tower as Admiral Roebuck, head of the Navy. He and Dench go head to head, and the chemistry between the two is pretty obvious, and their sparky relationship is fantastic. The best line in the film, though, has to be Roebuck telling "M": "With respect, "M", sometimes I don't think you have the balls for this job," to which she replies "Perhaps, but the advantage is I don't have to think with them all the time."

Oh, yeah, there is another negative. Joe Don Baker returns as Jack Wade. Dear God, thank heavens he is only in it for two brief, consecutive, scenes.

Back to the good stuff, and we can look at the villains, led by Jonathan Pryce as Elliot Carver. Clearly, given Carver's plot, there is a bit of difficulty in trying to find a good motivation for Carver, and so Pryce just plays him as a very over-the-top villain, and it actually works. Pryce lights up the screen when he appears and again has some fantastic lines and moments. He actually comes across as quite scary when he openly mocks Wai Lin's martial arts, and callously kills one of his offsiders when Bond uses said offsider as a hostage. There is also a great moment on Carver and Bond's first meeting when Bond subtlely hints that he knows he was behind the sinking of the Devonshire - it's a little dialogue exchange that is very reminiscient of the exchange between Bond and Zorin, when Bond hints that he knows his involvement with the murder of Aubergine.

He is backed up by a group of henchman, ranging from Ricky Jay as cyber terrorist Henry Gupta (a competently played part, though nothing outstanding); Gotz Otto as Stamper, Carver's chief enforcer and apparently completely insane; and most impressively, Vincent Schiavelli as Dr Kaufman, Carver's personal assassin. Schiavelli absolutely relishes the part, making it one of the most memorable characters to ever appear in a Bond film. It's a superb part, and it's so appropriate when Bond viciously executes him.

There are fantastic performances, there is brilliant direction, lighting and photography (how beautiful does Vietnam look?), and some absolutely amazing stunts (from the pretitle sequence which is thunderingly good, to the amazing bike chase where Wai Lin and Bond are handcuffed together) Tomorrow Never Dies may not have a story that is better than GoldenEye, but it is a far more competent film.

Favourite Bond: 1. Timothy Dalton; 2. Roger Moore; 3. Sean Connery; 4. George Lazenby; 5. Pierce Brosnan

Favourite movie order: 1. The Living Daylights; 2. On Her Majesty's Secret Service; 3. Dr No; 4. Licence To Kill; 5. A View To A Kill; 6. Live And Let Die; 7. Thunderball; 8. For Your Eyes Only/Octopussy 10. The Spy Who Loved Me; 11. Tomorrow Never Dies; 12. GoldenEye; 13. From Russia, With Love; 14. Goldfinger; 15. You Only Live Twice; 16. Moonraker; 17. The Man With The Golden Gun; 18. Diamonds Are Forever

Favourite Bond girl: 1. Carey Lowell/Pam; 2. Claudine Auger/Dominio; 3. Diana Rigg/Tracy; 4. Carole Bouquet/Melina; 5. Izabella Scorupco/Natalya; 6. Barbara Bach/Anya; 7. Maud Adams/Octopussy 8. Michelle Yeoh/Wai Lin; 9. Mie Hama/Kissy; 10. Daniela Bianchi/Tanya; 11. Ursula Andress/Honey; 12. Jane Seymour/Solitaire; 13. Maryam D'Abo/Kara; 14. Lois Chiles/Holly; 15. Honor Blackman/Pussy; 16. Tanya Roberts/Stacy; 17. Britt Ekland/Mary; 18. Jill St John/Tiffany

Favourite Bond villain: 1. Robert Davi/Sanchez; 2. Donald Pleasance/Blofeld; 3. Gert Frobe/Goldfinger; 4. Christopher Lee/Scaramanga; 5. Jeroen Krabbe & Joe Don Baker/Koskov & Whittaker; 6. Christopher Walken/Zorin; 7. Louis Jordan & Steven Berkov/Kahn & Orlov 8. Jonathan Pryce/Carver; 9. Adolfo Celi/Largo; 10. Sean Bean/Trevelyan; 11. Michael Lonsdale/Drax; 12. Yaphet Kotto/Mr Big-Dr Kananga; 13. Julian Glover/Kristatos; 14. Joseph Wiseman/Dr No; 15. Lotte Lenya/Klebb; 16. Telly Savalas/Blofeld; 17. Charles Gray/Blofeld; 18. Curt Jurgens/Stromberg

The X-Files

I don't think there are many people out there who would disagree with me when I say that Chris Carter's finest writing was the pilot episode of "The X-Files". There are very few television programmes that nail it in the pilot episode, but "The X-Files" was one of them. And Carter did a good job of the season five finale The End, ending the programme with the agents being beaten again by the cigarette-smoking man's organisation. It seemed appropriate and it was a good way to end the series, but rather sadly, of course, the plan to end the series with a movie was written off as four more seasons were made, slowly flogging that dead horse.

But this is the story of the movie. The first one, that is, that is often mistitled "Fight The Future" because that was the tagline - although that would have been a pretty damn cool title. This was the actual end of the series, and in many ways it was probably a better ending than the somewhat downbeat season five ending - though that was great. Because, at the end of the day, the whole point of the series was that these two FBI agents were determined to stand up against the government, the Syndacite, against anyone who was going to supress the truth. And so at the very end - and you'll forgive me if I skip forward to this - when the cigarette-smoking man gives Strughold the note that reveals the X-Files had been reopened, you think: that is a good ending. That's an ending of hope. And that's appropriate for this series.

And so the movie itself. After I watched and reviewed the new movie, somewhat favourably, a good friend of mine pointed out that it was just a standard episode, and he'd been hoping for something "bigger" and on reflection I'm kind of inclined to agree with him. An X-Files movie should be BIG. It should have big concepts and big ideas and big moments. That was missing from the new movie, and despite the fact that this movie is quagmired in the boring arc that had been set up over the last couple of years, the fact is this movie has BIG moments.

There are some very stupid moments as well. The introduction of the Syndacite's leader is completely pointless, and the appearance by the Lone Gunmen is equally pointless. However, both the cigarette-smoking man and the well-manicured man are well used in this movie, and the death of the latter is actually both surprising and a little disappointing. He was turning into a really interesting character. It's also nice to see the cigarette-smoking man just lingering on the outskirts as opposed to being used as a weapon or all the boring crap that he was doing in the last few seasons. And, of course, Skinner puts in an appearance to just have his presence registered, but it does seem appropriate. So thumbs up for great performances by William B Davis, John Neville and Mitch Pileggi.

There are some fantastic moments between David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, and, of course, the two almost kiss which is a moment everyone has been waiting for - but as usual it didn't happen, though it was clear that that was what they intended to do, and so five years of sexual tension was finally climaxed without actually climax. Oh, I kill me.

Happily the torturous dialogue usually associated with a Carter script is kept to a minimum, and the direction is handled, not by a big screen pro, but by one of the X-Files usual directors - Rob Bowman. Bowman, of course, would go on to direct other stuff, but he does a more than competent job in filming this, and the climax of the movie is especially exciting.

In fact, the climax is the BIG moment that we should get. A giant spaceship crashing out of the ice under Antarctica and flying away from Mulder and Scully, who have been trying to outrun the ice collapse, and end up on top of the ship before sliding off onto the ground. It's absolutely spectacular and is preceded by some amazing underground shots of people incubating the aliens.

For an arc story this is pretty bloody good, and for an X-Files movie, this is pretty damn entertaining. It actually works much better than the most recent one, and how great it should have been for the film to end a brilliant television series.

"A-"

Law & Order: Criminal Intent - Vanishing Act (Season Six)

One of the interesting things about The X-Files is that you could tell when David Duchovny wasn't particularly interested in the episode, mainly because he gave a very bored performance. Vincent D'Onofrio is not quite so bad as Duchovny, but quite frankly it showed this week that he was excited by the script. And, indeed, everything seemed to be amped up just a little by what was a unique and different investigation. A magician doing a stunt where he stays buried for almost a month almost dies on screen, is dug up but to the surprise of everyone he is not in the box. Instead he turns up dead in the cabinet-of-knives belonging to his mentor. Who is taken in for questioning. And then disappears. Weirded out?

The "And Special Guest Star" this week was Christopher Lloyd and despite the fact he is looking extremely old (although he was playing an old drunk) it's so great to see Lloyd back in something. He gives a brilliant performance as the mentor who appears to be framed for murder, and he has some wonderful moments, particularly when, desperate to prove the existance of an assistant, he reveals he was watching her with a teddy bear-cam because "old men have needs too".

But in this episode, Goren got the chance to show that he knew some basic magic. And D'Onfrio is clearly having the time of his life. Thanks to some dodgy swapping of episodes, we see Goren with a beard again this week, and again mention of his "betrayal" of Eames comes up, but this is clearly forgiven and forgotten as Kathryn Erbe allows Eames to be postively delighted by Goren's magical expertise. Indeed Erbe and D'Onofrio are having so much fun there are moments when you temporarily forget that they are investigating a murder.

Except that Goren gets some great Goren moments. He gets his psychological advantage over the killer, getting a confession out of him without actually having any evidence, but having solved the case beforehand. He works out the trick and finds the tunnel. The two detectives get to go following tunnels and tracks. It's just such a great opportunity to see them actually doing something that they are enjoying doing.

A brilliant episode of Criminal Intent.

"A+"

Playboy - September

Variety being, as it is, the spice of life, one can only imagine that September, for Playboy, is a rather neat little pinch of oregano, bringing a great deal of flavour and just a little bit of exotic-ness (where there to be such a word) to the worlds of Playboy. Take, for example, the Cybergirls. Only one blonde among them, and as she doesn't have big boobs she doesn't really fit the Playboy mould. Stephanie Emma kicked the month off, from New York and bringing a slight Latina feel, she's in her mid-twenties and is quite pretty in a "pocket rocket" kind of way. The curiously named Elizabeth Taylor from Illinois is very, very striking, though probably enhanced. Curiously she's another in the mid-to-late twenties. Rebecca Lynn is our small breasted blonde, and the babe of the group at the tender age of ninteen. A Florida girl, you can tell she has a bit of a beach bunny feel to her. Back to the brunettes for a twenty-one year old shortie named Stephanie Strong. I like Steph as she has a very nice smile that suggests she's really having fun. Finally another twenty-one year old short brunette (although not as short as Stephanie) with Samantha Dunn. Again, quite pretty, but there's something that's a little fake about her. It's a difficult one to pick, but I'm going to put my money on Elizabeth Taylor to be CGOM. Tough choice though.

The Coeds are a little more in line with the stereotype, despite kicking off with a brunette. Corin Riggs is very pretty (love dark hair against a pale body), while Renee Reece sees our first blonde, again very pale. The tanned blonde is Christen Autumn, and finally Hayley Foxx rounds the group out. I suspect that the first three all have enhancements, while what's most tantalising about Hayley is that she never gets completely naked. That ususally means she'll become CEOM, but I am going to put my money on Christen Autumn.

As seems to be increasingly the case I didn't pick either CGOM or COEM, but the choices turned out to be not so bad. Curiously Tiffani Amber, COEM, looks a lot like the girl that Ross dated when he had very white teeth in that episode of Friends you may or may not remember. She photographs nicely and there were some nice sets for her. Jai Lynn, on the other hand, was not my choice at all, but she comes across as a little severe in her photo sets, and it was hard to find a shot of her that made it look like she was having an absolute ball.

Finally, Miss October is Kelly Carrington, and here Playboy have gone back to the standard (although again, the breasts aren't huge). Strangely, though, I found myself not being particularly disgruntled with this return to form. I guess it just goes to show that every so often it's nice to have the familiar back with us. Kelly is very attractive and also from New York. At 22 she's about average for the Playmate age, but she is a very good choice and I have to approve of Holly Madison's selection.

Although, there's an interesting question. Miss Madison and Heff have broken up, so the question is, will Holly still be in charge of the centerfolds in the magazine from this point on, or will someone else get the job? I suppose only time will tell.

The X-Files: Season Five

After a very crap Season Four, I had pretty much given up on my rewatching of The X-Files, happy to alter my plan to finish at the movie by ending with Mulder appearing to have shot himself in the head. However, the release of the new movie got my little X-Phile pulsing and so I decided to go back to my original plan and get Season Five. And, surprise, surprise, I was actually not disappointed.

Mostly, anyway. There are five episodes which, quite frankly, drag the season down a little, and perhaps to no one's surprise they are all "arc" episodes. Most of the time you have to sit through the torturous dialogue of Chris Carter, and these episodes tend to begin with a voice over by either Mulder or Scully, both sounding as bored as the audience are. Redux, Redux Part II, Patient X and The Red And The Black all deal with the standard alien abduction, is it all real, government conspiracy, blah, blah, blah. The latter two see the return of the ugliest man on television, Brian Thompson, who clearly has some sort of hold over Carter. I can see Carter now - "Hmmm...Brian's told me I have to keep him in television or he'll tell everyone I'm gay. He's so ugly no one will ever employ him...so I guess I'd better make sure we have an episode in the season that features the return of the Alien Bounty Hunter...it's just...he's sooo ugly..."

Of course, the more perceptive of you will note that I said five episodes, but I've only actually mentioned four. The fifth episode is Emily and it is a serious disappointment because it is the second half of a story, the first half actually having nothing to do with the arc, but is a really, really good episode. Christmas Carol is a Scully episode where she goes home for Christmas and runs into a girl she is convinced is the daughter of her dead sister. The cliffhanger reveals that she was way off base, as her family predicted, as the mother of the child is actually...herself. Absolutely brilliant cliffhanger, completely destroyed in the next episode by the return of Mulder and the "arc". It's completely depressing to see such an interesting episode die so completely.

And this segues quite nicely into the revelation that there are some episodes in this season that don't necessarily feature either Scully or Mulder, althogh generally when it is a Scully only episode, Mulder has a small scene somewhere in the episode. But enough detail, onto the episodes.

After the Redux two parter, Unusual Suspects is a flashback episode introducing the Lone Gunmen and revealing the spark of interest Mulder has in the paranormal. It gives Steven Williams/Mr X a chance to make a reappearance and also features a cameo appearance by Richard Belzer as Detective John Munch in one of the many television programmes he played the part (presumably this episode also sparked his interest in government conspiracies). It's a great little story that gives Bruce Harwood/Byers the chance to shine.

Detour is a classic episode that sees the kooky relationship between Scully and Mulder highlighted, as the agents investigate what appears to be the Mothman. Very much in the tradition of Ice, it's a great traditional episode.

The Post-Modern Prometheus is an experimental episode that is shot entirely in black and white and is (naturally) a homage to Frankenstein. Although written and directed by Chris Carter, the episode doesn't have quite the same terrible dialogue, and certainly the fact that David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson seem interested in the script, brings it to life somewhat.

Kitsunegari, following the Emily two parter, is a sequel to the episode "Pusher" and sees the return of Robert Patrick Modell as he tries to save someone who has the same abilities he has; but of course Mulder can see straight through him. A bit ordinary, it's still quite entertaining to watch.

Schizogeny is a curious beast of an episode. From the outset it appears to be about a group of kids who are being molested by their parents, but this turns into them having the memories implanted by their therapist. She, of course, can control the Earth. It's a good episode that is worth the watch.

Chinga is another Mulder-lite episode (although Duchovny's appearances are hilarious) about Scully stumbling upon a murderous doll. The story is written by Stephen King and so it's not so surprising that there is a lot of gore in the episode. You can't help but enjoy the episode, and the ending is priceless.

Kill Switch sees an AI taking control of computers in an attempt to defend itself from its creators turning it off. Mulder ends up getting sucked into the bizzare world it creates and finds his arms removed while Scully gets a mild hint of jealousy towards the cybergeek they meet. Another really enjoyable episode.

Bad Blood, is quite frankly, the jewel in the crown for the series. An truly off beat episode that starts off with a boy getting staked...by Mulder...but the boy's a vampire...except Scully reveals his teeth are fake. From then on we get to see a story firstly from Scully's point of view and then from Mulder's. This is a great chance for the two leads to play their characters in slightly different ways, and for guest actor Luke Wilson to play the same character from two points of view. Finally the episode is wrapped up by the two detectives as they uncover a group of vampire gypsies. There is nothing bad about this episode at all, and is one of the best episodes of The X-Files ever.

Another two parter before a second flashback, Travelers, episode (giving Anderson the day off) shows how Mulder became involved with the "X" files. He gets to meet the man (played by Darren McGavin in a nod to Nightstalker) who started the X-Files, before the majority of the episode becomes a further flashback to the fifties as Mulder's mentor investigates his first "X" file.

Mind's Eye sees the agents investigate a series of murders apparently perpetrated by a blind man, until Mulder believes that the blind lady can actually see the murderer's actions in her mind. Another great episode.

All Souls is an episode that deals with the possibility of nephalytes on Earth. It's a great episode in that Scully's faith in the religiously paranormal is questioned by Mulder's belief in the scientific paranormal. What's great is that Scully's point of view isn't ignored and it certainly seems to be the actual truth of the situation, rather than Mulder's plans.

The Pine Bluff Variant is another slightly curious episode where Scully believes that Mulder has actually joined a terrorist cell. This episode is actually all about a government conspiracy, but as it's completely detached from the standard alien/Syndacite storyline, it's far more watchable. It also gives Mitch Pileggi the chance to shine this season as AD Skinner.

Folie A Deux is another slightly disturbing episode about a man who is actually a giant bug, but is able to hide in plain sight. Mulder gets the ability to see the bug as the episode continues despite the fact that both Scully and Skinner believe he is going mad. What's great about this episode, and the previous one, is that both see the agents involved in standard FBI investigations that turn into X-Files, rather than them seeking the paranormal. It's a difference that is welcomed.

Finally, we get to The End, an episode which is tied into the story arc, although there appears to be no obvious reason why. The cigarette smoking man, who was apparently killed in Redux, returns to kill a little boy, and apparently gets away with him, though the boy is actually a mind reader. The character introduced in Patient X, Agent Spender, returns, alongside a new agent, Fowler, and the episode leads directly into the movie. However, the ending sees Mulder and Scully in the burnt our remains of their office, which seems a symbolic way of ending the series for good. As we know, sadly, the horse was dead, but Fox were still going to flog it.

I have to admit I'm really glad I took the risk and decided to face Season Five. I don't know whether it was the fact that the series was supposed to end and everyone was eager to give it their all, of if not having to film as many episodes relaxed the leads just a little, but this season is a breath of fresh air.

"A"

GoldenEye

The tagline for GoldenEye begins: "It's a new world..." Six years after Licence To Kill, it is indeed very new, and a lot has changed on the Bond films and the biggest and most noticeable change for the films is a new producer. After sixteen films and over thirty years in the driver's seat, Albert R "Cubby" Broccoli has nothing but a "presents" credit on GoldenEye, his job being taken over by his daughter Barbara. Babs Broccoli and her step-brother Michael G Wilson (who's been doing the job for quite some time) clearly have a slightly different idea about what a Bond film is. What's ever so slightly strange, though, is that Wilson is no longer contributing to the scripting duties. And worse, without Richard Maibaum, there are no old hands on the GoldenEye script. And what's a little disturbing is that there were no less than four different writers on GoldenEye. Good...or bad?

The first most noticeable major change to the film series is a revamp of the gunbarrel logo by new main title designer Daniel Kleinman. It looks amazing, with a true three-dimensional effect. And, of course, a new James Bond - Pierce Brosnan, finally getting the chance to play the part he's desired for so long - walks in the sights, but sadly doesn't deliver quite the same punch with his casual swing to camera. OK, it's only the gunbarrel, but it's important. What's also important to mention is that Eric Serra is handling the music chores, and quite frankly, this is a very, very bad idea. From the outset Serra just doesn't get the "Bond sound". Bond has a "sound" which other composers have gotten, tweaked slightly so they can work with it, but kept it essentially the same. Serra just tosses it aside and delivers a Serra score that occasionally uses the James Bond theme in the same way that Diamonds Are Forever was a Bond film - maybe in name. You know that you're onto a bad thing when even the producers have lost faith in your composer - during the amazing tank sequence (more on this later) orchestrator Nic Foster composes the scene, replacing what Serra originally wrote. You can immediately tell the difference and immediately realise that Foster got it in exactly the same way Serra didn't. To cap it all off, Serra himself performs the closing song "The Experience Of Love" which, despite being quite a nice song, is frankly boring. That said, Serra's love theme for the movie is very beautiful and it's lovely when it comes up.

There are a lot of great things about GoldenEye, but to be frank there are some big problems, and I want to address those first, before praising the good. Aside from the music, the script is extremely clunky. There is narrative exposition aplenty which seems stuck in because essentially what happens isn't terribly clear. Unfortunately, there are some moments which need that exposition that just aren't there. Bond meets up with Zukovsky and out of the blue offers him the chance to deal explosives in return for a meeting with Janus. However, Bond has only just arrived in Russia and met up with Jack Wade; so how does he come up with this explosive deal exactly? Wade never mentions it and clearly neither does Bond. It's a bizarre piece of storytelling that is just thrown in. Meanwhile, every single Russian we meet introduces themselves using all three of their names: Arkardy Grigorovitch Ourumov; Natalya Fyordorovna Simonova; Valentin Dimtrovich Zukovsky...it just goes on. When Minister Mishkin actually calls Ourumov "Arkady Grigorovich" you begin to whither. On the other hand, it's clear that none of the writers involved where particularly keen to use the Bond traditions and, as such, decided to get them all over in the Casino scene which, aside from having Bond introduce himself and ask for a martini, sees more double entendre than has ever been seen in one film. It is quite simply cringe inducing.

And of course there is new James Bond, Pierce Brosnan. For so long, we were assured that Timothy Dalton would be returning to Bond, but after the announcement of the film, Dalton announced he felt it was time to move on, and his replacement in The Living Daylights (who ultimately had to step down) is the man to get the job. Truth to tell, Brosnan doesn't quite nail the part in this movie. Unlike his predecessors who all seem to have an understanding of what they want to do with the part, Brosnan seems curiously uncertain of where he is going. When he's smooching up to the women, he's playing Remington Steele; when he's being serious he comes across as a petulant fifteen year old, and the rest of the time he is trying to channel Roger Moore. There is a fine line between being confident and being smug, and sadly Brosnan sits on just the wrong side of this line. It's annoying, because you get the feeling Brosnan does have the potential to do a good job of the part. It just doesn't materialise in this film. However, that said, the one thing that Brosnan does bring to the role is a smoothness that sets him apart from his four predecessors. It's your schtick, Pierce!!! Work it!

And that's pretty much the negatives of the film. Because, outside of that there is an awful lot of great stuff in the film. The pre-title sequence is wonderful, with no less than two absolutely amazing stunts taking place - the brilliant leap off the Russian dam and Bond driving a motorcycle of a cliff to catch a plane that is falling. The plane stunt occurs just before the title sequence which is a wonderful sequence incorporating CGI. On top of that Tina Turner delivers an amazing rendition of Bono & The Edge's theme song, which just highlights how horrible Serra's score is.
There is essentially no former cast members in this film, though Desmond Llewellyn does reprise "Q", but sadly this is not a wonderful performance, with Llewellyn and Brosnan doing what appears to be Carry On "Q". However, Samantha Bond becomes the new Miss Moneypenny, and there is an attempt to make her just a little more independent, but it does seem to make her just that little too independent. Michael Kitchen plays Bill Tanner, and its a brilliant performance that is exactly the way the character should be played. He has a relaxed relationship with Bond, and is clearly, like the rest of the MI6 staff (now located in the correct MI6 building in Vauxhall) is trying to impress his new boss.

Judi Dench steps into the shoes of "M", clearly a new character, and one who sees Bond as outdated and not entirely essential to her new regeime. This is a good move, as it's nice to see Bond as an old-fashioned character struggling to fit into the new world of spying. Dench brings a whole new quality of class to the Bond movies, and her scathing relationship with Bond, is exactly the way the Bond/"M" relationship should be played. You can't help but be excited by Dench's casting - and once again, like Bernard Lee, she gets an "and" credit in the title sequence! However, I don't like the idea of Bond referring to "M" as "M" rather than ma'am - it seems a little insubordinate.

Meanwhile, the rest of the casting is simply superb (with one possible exception, so we won't dwell on Joe Don Baker as Jack Wade). Tcheky Karyo plays Russian Defence Minister Mishkin and brings a small part to life, stealing the two scenes he is in, which is particularly impressive as both of those scenes also feature Gottfried John as General Ourumov, who injects a sense of brilliant desperation into his character. Perhaps the thing that makes Ourumov brilliant is his facial expressions which are always just a little off-kilter, and always give the feeling that Ourumov can't quite believe what he is seeing. However, Ourumov has very little patience for fools under his command as he ruthlessly shoots one of his men dead after ordering them not to shoot at gas barrels. It's a wonderful moment. Alan Cummings plays the other henchman, Boris Grishenko, a computer geek who has his own catchphrase. Cummings is great in the role and you can't help but hope he makes it through to the end; though he has a rather nasty moment with the leading lady. The other cameo part - of sorts - is former KGB agent-turned-Russian mobster Valentin Zukovsky, played by Robbie Coltrane. Frankly, he steals the entire movie. He delivers everything with a twinkle in his eyes and one gets the feeling that Coltrane is having the absolute time of his life playing this larger than life ally of Bond. I can only hope and pray he will return to the series.

Roll on the Bond girls, with Bond apparently becoming somewhat monogamous in this movie. There are two girls - Izabella Scorupco and Famke Janssen as Natalya and Xenia Onnatopp, respectively. Xenia is an absolute fruitcake, a villainous henchman who gets off on violence. She is one of the best henchmen the series has ever seen, killing her victims by crushing them with her thighs, but is so hot you can't help but root for her (pardon the pun). Scorupco, on the other hand, is stunning, her figure highlighted by what could be regarded as a somewhat gratuituous moment when she walks on a beach in nothing but a white bikini (cue a curious crotch shot). Natalya is an interesting Bond girl, resourceful like many of the others, but there is some good acting from Scorupco when she witnesses Bond massacre a group of soldiers. Both girls are standouts.

Finally, on the casting front, comes Bond villain Alec Trevelyan, former agent 006 as portrayed by Sean Bean, who just missed out on getting the role of Bond in this movie. It's great in the opening sequence to see another 00 agent in the same light as we often see Bond - usually 00 agents are shadowy figures who get killed, inspiring Bond to seek revenge of some sort. Somehow 006 makes a deal with Ourumov (either in the few moments he got caught, or beforehand, which indicates that both he and Ourumov have an absolute callous disregard for the grunts) and becomes the surprise villian later in the film - which would be a huge surprise if the trailer hadn't let everyone know that the movie would be about 007 fighting 006. This, of course, is not he fault of the movie makers, rather the trailer makers who made a huge blunder with this one. Sadly Bean tends to eclipse Brosnan most of the time, and brings a lot more passion to his part than Brosnan brings to Bond; though his claim that Bond has no loyalty towards his friends is a little off base after LTK. That said, though, the final fight between Bond and Trevelyan is one of the most vicious we've seen in the series to date.

And so we get to the details of the movie. The stunts are universally spectacular in the film. We've already established those in the title sequence are amazing, but later in the film there is a tank chase which involves trashing St Petersburg, as well as driving an armoured train into said tank. It's truly incredible and you feel the pain everyone goes through when they get hit. Also of note, and perhaps appropriately given that sadly the man responsible, Derek Meddings, died after the film was made and gets the dedication, is the modelwork of the film which is simply spectacular. There are moments of modelwork in the film you would honestly believe where filmed live. It's simply breathtaking, and is so wonderful that Meddings final film is the absolute best example of his work.

The Aston Martin DB5 turns up again for an entertaining little chase in through the mountainside, but Bond's car for the movie - apparently gadged enhanced - is a BMW Z3, which sadly appears...once. And is used for Bond to drive to meet Jack Wade. Utterly, utterly pointless. On the other hand, there is a curious reference in the film to Bond's parents, which is a nice nod to Fleming's novels.

Then there are the gadgets, principally the explosive pen that goes off after four seconds of being armed by three clicks. Clearly Bond has absolutely no faith in "Q"'s gadgets at all as, when given the pen by "Q", he arms it and puts it in "Q"'s pocket. That said, though, he seems completely justified as it doesn't go off. Then..."Q" puts it on a dummy and does the same thing...which results in an explosion. This pen is, quite frankly, bizarre. Try to keep track of the clicks in the final scene and you'll notice it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Why on Earth does Bond think it will go off when it does??

At the end of the day, GoldenEye feels like a Sean Connery movie, directed by John Glen and starring Roger Moore. It's a mix and mash that doesn't work for Brosnan, and ultimately just doesn't really work.

Favourite Bond: 1. Timothy Dalton; 2. Roger Moore; 3. Sean Connery; 4. George Lazenby; 5. Pierce Brosnan

Favourite movie order: 1. The Living Daylights; 2. On Her Majesty's Secret Service; 3. Dr No; 4. Licence To Kill; 5. A View To A Kill; 6. Live And Let Die; 7. Thunderball; 8. For Your Eyes Only/Octopussy 10. The Spy Who Loved Me; 11. GoldenEye; 12. From Russia, With Love; 13. Goldfinger; 14. You Only Live Twice; 15. Moonraker; 16. The Man With The Golden Gun; 17. Diamonds Are Forever

Favourite Bond girl: 1. Carey Lowell/Pam; 2. Claudine Auger/Dominio; 3. Diana Rigg/Tracy; 4. Carole Bouquet/Melina; 5. Izabella Scorupco/Natalya; 6. Barbara Bach/Anya; 7. Maud Adams/Octopussy 8. Mie Hama/Kissy; 9. Daniela Bianchi/Tanya; 10. Ursula Andress/Honey; 11. Jane Seymour/Solitaire; 12. Maryam D'Abo/Kara; 13. Lois Chiles/Holly; 14. Honor Blackman/Pussy; 15. Tanya Roberts/Stacy; 16. Britt Ekland/Mary; 17. Jill St John/Tiffany

Favourite Bond villain: 1. Robert Davi/Sanchez; 2. Donald Pleasance/Blofeld; 3. Gert Frobe/Goldfinger; 4. Christopher Lee/Scaramanga; 5. Jeroen Krabbe & Joe Don Baker/Koskov & Whittaker; 6. Christopher Walken/Zorin; 7. Louis Jordan & Steven Berkov/Kahn & Orlov 8. Adolfo Celi/Largo; 9. Sean Bean/Trevelyan; 10. Michael Lonsdale/Drax; 11. Yaphet Kotto/Mr Big-Dr Kananga; 12. Julian Glover/Kristatos; 13. Joseph Wiseman/Dr No; 14. Lotte Lenya/Klebb; 15. Telly Savalas/Blofeld; 16. Charles Gray/Blofeld; 17. Curt Jurgens/Stromberg

NCIS: Heartland (Season Six)

I can only think of one reason for the sudden change in quality of NCIS and that must be Mark Harmon's influence as new producer. After that disappointing fifth season, this season is dealing out new ideas and a little bit more backstory for the various characters and, perhaps unsurprisingly most of all, Gibbs. This episode sees Gibbs forced to return back to his hometown where we find that the murder of a marine and the attack of another is rooted in the relatively sordid personal problems of a group of high school thugs who grew up to run the town.

In terms of the mystery, there are a few surprising twists and turns and I certainly didn't predict the revelation at the end of the episode - and my wife believed she had predicted it, only to find out that she predicted the wrong thing. It's good that the series can still be surprising after all this time.

On the personal front, it's great to see DiNozzo being the guy who is most fascinated at the idea of travelling to Gibbs' hometown. His hero worship of Gibbs has developed into an intriguing fascination of the man's past which, as we've discovered over the last few seasons, is a little more surprising than we first thought. When he finally turns up, again we get to see Gibbs' fondness of his senior agent as he permits DiNozzo to ask two questions of his father. Ziva and McGee, meanwhile are mostly puppy dogs for much of the episode.

Gibbs, however, gets to reveal a lot more about his past, not least of which is the discovery that his first wife was a girl he met while in Stillwater. We also discover that his mother passed away and he never really forgave his father for getting on with his life. So, like most television heroes these days, he has issues with his father, but happily by the end of the episode these are mostly resolved, and the final scene between the two Gibbs is wonderfully played by both actors involved.

It's a great episode, not only because of the entertaining plot, but also because of the nice character development of Gibbs.

"A"

Licence To Kill

Timothy Dalton's second outing as Bond is heralded by a curious rearrangement of the James Bond theme by this movie's composer Michael Kamen, presumably given the fact he had a fair bit of street cred at this point in his career. Interestingly, the pretitle sequence is nothing more than an extension of the main movie, introducing us to the main villain in the form of Robert Savi's Franz Sanchez and his girlfriend Lupe Lamora (Talisa Soto), along with Bond's two allies; Sharkey, played by Frank McRae, who plays the part in the same way he was playing all parts in the eighties; by shouting a lot (I suspect that it was part of his contract that if he were to appear in a movie he had to shout a lot, which was great for the enormous amount of times he was playing police captains); and Felix Leiter, thankfully not portrayed by the wet fish that was John Terry. This time around - and for the first time ever - David Hedison reprises the role he played in Live And Let Die, and how great is it to see? He and Dalton have a good chemistry (clearly everyone loves David, as Moore had a similar connection) and this makes it a lot easier to believe Bond's motives later in the film.

Kamen's music (and let's talk about it for a moment) is really good and he makes an appropriate successor to John Barry. His Bond action theme arrangement is very engaging, but Kamen's piece-de-resistance is easily his love theme for Pam (Carey Lowell), which is the most beautiful piece of music the series has ever seen. On the downside, however, is that he didn't write "Licence To Kill" as performed in true Shirley Bassey style by Gladys Knight. It's a very stirring piece of music that is a little let down by a fairly generic title sequence from Maurice Binder that, aside from showing us Dalton, is essentially girls dancing around and a casino motif...for some bizarre reason. But as Kamen didn't write it, it appears soley in the title sequence. The close song - "If You Asked Me Too", performed by Patti LaBelle, is possibly even better than the title song, and is one of the best songs ever to appear in a Bond movie - at least that's what Celine Dion thought when she covered it.

There's something very different about this Bond movie, and it feel as though both John Glen and Timothy Dalton are making more of the kind of movie that they want to make. The very ruthless, vengeful Bond we caught a glimpse of in For Your Eyes Only is made manifest by Dalton throughout the whole movie, using the anger that we saw when Saunders was killed in The Living Daylights. This is Bond througout the entire movie, throwing away a lot of the humour that he had in the previous film. Don't get me wrong though, Bond is not humourless and there are some very witty moments in the film, just few from Bond himself. In fact the best lines in the film go to Sanchez.

There's also a great deal of "reality" in the film - Bond's enemy is a common, though very powerful, drug baron. There is a barroom brawl at one point. These are all things that ever so slightly change the feel of the movies. In addition to this, two regulars who have been around since The Spy Who Loved Me - Gogol and Gray - are both gone. Finally, of course, the level of violence in this film is the highest we've ever seen. The death of Milton Krest is particularly gruesome, and Leiter's torture is equally disturbing. We also get another oblique reference to Tracy Bond and her death. That said, the amount of reality is perhaps more indicative that this movie is a product of it's times, as most Bonds are.

However, the production of the film is of its usual high quality. The underwater sequences are beautifully shot and the pace of these is far better than those in Thunderball and the stuntwork in general is again exceptional. Glen and writers Richard Maibaum and Michael G Wilson continue to try to push the boundaries of the Bond films. Some of the film is grounded in another of Fleming's short story - The Hildebrand Rarity, which gives us Krest and the WaveKrest yacht, along with Sanchez's disturbing beating of Lupe with a stingray tail. A lot of original action sequences feature in the movie, from the opening where Bond in a helicopter literally catches Sanchez in his light plane, to the end where a truck chase gives us the most impressive explosions the series has seen. Indeed, the truck doing wheelies on both the side wheels and back wheels is an amazing stunt. The movie as a whole moves along at a cracking pace and is extremely watchable.

And so to the cast. Dalton, as noted, gives us a grimmer Bond in this film, his licence revoked after he can't let Leiter's death go (interestingly the original title of the movie was Licence Revoked, but American audiences were unable to wrap their heads around the meaning of revoked), but he has gone back to some of the more traditional Bond foibles. Once again he is a womaniser, happy to sleep with Lupe Lamora when she offers herself, and even appears to have a rather more than "best man" relationship with Della Leiter (not that Felix appears to care). But this is the Bond of TLD - a man who is happy to deliver a headbutt, and one who develops more than just a shallow relationship with his primary girl.

Carey Lowell is perfect as Pam, not only absolutely stunning (there is a priceless moment when Bond double takes on seeing Pam stripping down to a swimsuit), but also extremely resourceful. Her feelings for Bond develop throughout the film, their partnership forged in fire as she feels Bond's desire for revenge, but also aware - far more than him - that there is more at stake than just Bond's desire for justice. The ending of the film is a beautiful moment with not even the winking stone fish able to destroy it. The other Bond girl, Talisa Soto, is extremely beautiful as well, but is sadly rather passionless.

Franz Sanchez, on the other hand, is one of the most interesting Bond villains to date. In very many ways, he is the anti-Bond; smooth, suave and debonair, remaining constantly calm and dedicated to something more than just money. He has his traditional Bond villain moments - notably he delivers a lecture to a group of drug dealers in the same fashion that Goldfinger and Zorin addressed their allies - however, when he lets his anger out, it is pure viciousness. In the final showdown with Bond, both men are torn apart; Bond is the most shattered we've ever seen him in the entire movie history, and Sanchez is in a similar state.

But whereas other Bond villains have been supported by a faceless army, Sanchez's generals are all personalities of their own. From the sadistic Dario (Benicio Del Toro), to the loyal Braun (Guy De Saint Cyr); from the opportunistic Heller (Don Stroud) to the money obsessed Truman-Lodge (Anthony Starke); from the traitorous Killifer (Everett McGill) to the treacherous Krest (Anthony Zerbe); all the henchmen are brought alive by uniformly fantastic performances. That said, though, the scene-stealer of the movie is Professor Joe Butcher, played by Wayne Newton; ostensibly a televangilist he is actually the connection for all of Sanchez's major drug deals. It's such a brilliant performance that you can't help but laugh with him.

Finally, Robert Brown again gets a chance to shine as "M", while sadly Caroline Bliss' Miss Moneypenny is relatively wasted. It's interesting to see Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa make an appearance as a Hong Kong narcotics agent, and the underrated British actor Christopher Neame is MI6 agent Fallon. But, at long last, Desmond Llewellyn gets "Q"'s finest hour in this movie, as "Q" joins Bond and Pam in their mission and becomes an effective field agent. It's great to see Llewellyn get so much screen time, and it's so well deserved. Again, noting the humour, the scene between Pam, Lupe and "Q" is one of the funniest in the film.

Their are a few minor plot niggles about this movie. It's a shame that an imaginary country was created to house Isthmus City, but I suppose it would have been difficult to do it with a real country. The police are stupid, but to be fair all police are stupid in the world of James Bond. Given that Sanchez (or more accurately Heller) is made instantaneously aware of Bond's five million dollar deposit, surely its withdrawl would have been reported immediately as well?

Overall, this is an interesting experiment for the Bond films, which works well and gives a nice variety. However, it would be nice to see Dalton return a little more to TLD for his next movie than continue down this gruesome, darker path.

Favourite Bond: 1. Timothy Dalton; 2. Roger Moore; 3. Sean Connery; 4. George Lazenby

Favourite movie order: 1. The Living Daylights; 2. On Her Majesty's Secret Service; 3. Dr No; 4. Licence To Kill; 5. A View To A Kill; 6. Live And Let Die; 7. Thunderball; 8. For Your Eyes Only/Octopussy 10. The Spy Who Loved Me; 11. From Russia, With Love; 12. Goldfinger; 13. You Only Live Twice; 14. Moonraker; 15. The Man With The Golden Gun; 16. Diamonds Are Forever

Favourite Bond girl: 1. Carey Lowell/Pam; 2. Claudine Auger/Dominio; 3. Diana Rigg/Tracy; 4. Carole Bouquet/Melina; 5. Barbara Bach/Anya; 6. Maud Adams/Octopussy 7. Mie Hama/Kissy; 8. Daniela Bianchi/Tanya; 9. Ursula Andress/Honey; 10. Jane Seymour/Solitaire; 11. Maryam D'Abo/Kara; 12. Lois Chiles/Holly; 13. Honor Blackman/Pussy; 14. Tanya Roberts/Stacy; 15. Britt Ekland/Mary; 16. Jill St John/Tiffany

Favourite Bond villain: 1. Robert Davi/Sanchez; 2. Donald Pleasance/Blofeld; 3. Gert Frobe/Goldfinger; 4. Christopher Lee/Scaramanga; 5. Jeroen Krabbe & Joe Don Baker/Koskov & Whittaker; 6. Christopher Walken/Zorin; 7. Louis Jordan & Steven Berkov/Kahn & Orlov 8. Adolfo Celi/Largo; 9. Michael Lonsdale/Drax; 10. Yaphet Kotto/Mr Big-Dr Kananga; 11. Julian Glover/Kristatos; 12. Joseph Wiseman/Dr No; 13. Lotte Lenya/Klebb; 14. Telly Savalas/Blofeld; 15. Charles Gray/Blofeld; 16. Curt Jurgens/Stromberg

The Big Over Easy

I do like novels that are a little bit quirky and pose the question "what if the extraordinary was actually ordinary?". I liked the Anita Blake novels for exactly this reason, primarly because the idea of vampires sitting side by side with us in our world is a curious one. Equally in The Big Over Easy, the idea that literary characters are real and their universe exists besides ours is also intriguing. Humpty Dumpty has been murdered - apparently, although it does appear to be a suicide. DI Jack Spratt and his new DS Mary Mary are determined to find the real killer, but the famous DCI Friedland Chymes wants the case so he can have another brilliant write up in the papers that tell the stories of famous detectives. However, the Nursery Crimes Division of the Reading Police Department is not in favour - mainly due to their inablity to prosecute the three little pigs for the murder of the big, bad wolf - and so Spratt and Mary have little time to prove their case. All of this is complicated further by Mary wanting to be out of the NCD and in Chymes' little army, meaning she is more than a little open to temptation.

Come on, you can't not like the concept. Because, don't get me wrong, this is no kid's book. This is a proper adult novel, written about kids' things and that just makes it all the more fascinating. The ultimate revelation of what happened to Humpty is both very, very clever, and yet so obvious you can't help but wonder why it's never been written about before. Equally clever is the fact that Spratt and Mary, despite amazed at the idea that nursery rhyme characters aren't aware of their fictious existance, are just as unaware of their own less than factual lives.

I genuinely enjoyed this novel. It's full of great twists and turns, and great characters, with references to such a variety of literature that it's almost a certainty that I missed a great deal of it.

"A"

Law & Order: Criminal Intent - Reunion (Season 7)

Logan and Wheeler are back to investigate the murder of a late night television host and, rather entertainingly, this case actually has them doing a little more work than usual. The episode actually feels like a proper 42 minute script, rather than the law half of a Law & Order episode that has been extended to fit the bill. Bring on, then, a whole host of suspects, and a whole host of motives including paedophilia. And, to add to all of that, Wheeler gets to meet her hero who is, apparently, Jordie Black, lead singer of The Twisted Strands, a rock group in the 70's - although as Black himself points out, she wouldn't have been old enough to have ever actually seen them perform. It's a nice little touch to Wheeler's character that makes me all the more grateful she has returned.

Outside of the characterisation (and no one really makes an impression, although Joan Jett gives quite a memorable performance for a character who dies in the pretitle sequence) the rest of the episode is fairly workmanlike, and just generally entertaining.

"B"

NCIS: Capitol Offense (Season Six)

NCIS takes a leaf out of Law & Order's textbooks and we see a random couple discovering the body of the deceased in the pretitle sequence. Following that it takes about four minutes after the appearance of the murderer to realise who it is. Which, I suppose, makes for a pretty pointless episode of NCIS, but at the end of the day, all television shows get a little formulaic and as such it doesn't take too long to work out exactly what the formula is. If that means discovering the identity of a killer, I suppose that becomes the easy part. But then, apparently it takes some people very short time to work out a murderer in Agatha Christie.

Lo and behold, Gibbs' past comes back to haunt him as an old friend is forced to contact him and confess that he was having an affair with the victim and as he is a senator attempting to get an energy bill through, he is rather desperate to keep his name out of the public records until that bill goes through. Gibbs agrees and withholds everything from his team and from Vance, which seems somewhat uncharacteristic of him, though he later brings it straight to Vance when it becomes clear that they have little choice but to give up his evidence.

Meanwhile the rest of the team is at their entertaining best - DiNozzo confesses that he became a cop because he was nosy; Ziva gets the chance to play sex kitten; McGee falls afoul of Tony again and gets drenched in sewage; Vance is proving to be less and less of a thorn in Gibbs' side, and certainly seems to have a desire to build bridges; Ducky puts in a token appearance and actually says that he feels unneeded - the audience is feeling a similar thing, to be honest; and finally Abby undergoes a complete forensic investigation to discover who stole her chocolate muffin. This last plot thread is the highlight of the episode and produces some great moments as she attempts to gather the evidence.

It's a well made episode, but there is nothing to make it stand up and make you want to cheer.

"B-"

The Living Daylights

It's the dawning of a new age for James Bond, heralded by a brand new gunbarrel sequence which is easily the best the series has ever seen - new Bond, Timothy Dalton has the "swing to camera" down perfect, and John Barry's theme means the gunshot occurs at precisely the moment it feels it should. A good sign or just lucky?

The pretitle sequence kicks off with a mini adventure that hides new Bond until 002 is murdered by a steely faced imposter 00, and as Bond is scared by monkeys (has John Glen gone mad? It's supposed to be pigeons that get disturbed by Bond!) he chases down the imposter - to easily the best incidental version of the James Bond theme ever - has a car chase where he is on the car, and drives off a cliff, parasailing down to a boat where our new Bond utters his first lines: "I need to use your phone". Weird? Maybe, but Timothy Dalton proves that he is perfect casting for Bond before the title song even kicks in. He's fought a villain, had a mini adventure, and gotten a girl.

In truth, Dalton shows a perfect style throughout the entire movie. Moore finally agreed to end his stint (did he just hang around to be the longest running Bond?) and Dalton was offered the role, but was unable to take it, so it went to Pierce Brosnan, who filmed the gunbarrel and was then mucked around with the producers of Remmington Steele, forcing Brosnan to leave, by which stage original choice Dalton was available again, and so Tim gets the job, and proves that he was the perfect choice. The script for "The Living Daylights" was written with Roger Moore in mind, and there is a good level of humour that Dalton manages to deliver in a way that is not quite so knowing as Moore's style. However, Dalton brings two extra things to the role - firstly a true relationship with the Bond girl that Moore really only managed to create once with Octopussy. Bond clearly cares about Kara Milovy and has her best interests at heart. Secondly, Dalton's Bond is clearly a dangerous man. When Saunders is killed, Dalton brings a true tension to Bond, a viciousness that shows he will not be pushed around. It's these tense moments that give Dalton's Bond a different edge to his predecessors, making him more like Connery than Moore, but turning the dial up just a little more. In fact, in many ways, Dalton is Bond the way Ian Fleming imagined him to be - a hired assassin who takes no real joy in his job, but is prepared to execute it ruthlessly. With Dalton taking over from Moore, some of the former Bondisms have returned; Bond once again asks for his martinis shaken not stirred and he is smoking cigarettes again (in fact I don't think Moore has smoked since Moonraker).

All the regular characters are back - Robert Brown's "M" works a whole lot better against the younger Dalton, and the relationship between Bond and "M" is more in the style of Lee and Connery the way that Terence Young created it. "M" tolerates his best agent but wont accept him disobeying orders. Desmond Llewellyn gets a little more to do in the movie, with "Q" showing up in the opening sequence to help Bond in General Giyogi Koskov's defection. Geoffrey Keen and Walter Gotell return as the Defence Minister and General Gogol, but both appear for a very, very short time this movie - in Gotell's case it was because of his poor health. But, with Moore's departure, the wise decision was taken to recast Miss Moneypenny - now the beautiful blonde Caroline Bliss, who is more like Penelope Smallbone in Octopussy than the Moneypenny we remember. Also, after a considerable absence, we get the return of Felix Leiter, but sadly he is portrayed by John Terry and there is absolutely no conviction in the performance and no chemistry with Dalton. It's easily the worst casting of the movie.

There are a lot of similarities to Octopussy in this movie, actually. Aside from those mentioned, the short story "The Living Daylights" appears in the movie, although in this instance the opening sequence is essentially the short story; it's not just recounted. Equally we get two villains in the movie - the super suave Yogi Koskov played by Jeroen Krabbe and American arms dealer Brad Whitter, played by Joe Don Baker. Both play their parts excellently, although Krabbe's accent is truly bizarre, starting off as a bizarre Russian before ultimately becoming standard European. This may, though, be deliberate to show Koskov deceiving the English at the beginning of the movie. Baker gets a few short scenes before the final showdown at the end of the movie, and we get to see a great gunbattle.

Maryam D'Abo plays the only Bond girl for the movie (if you discount Linda in the pretitle sequence) and she plays a very naive and, well, pretty useless character. That said, and to be fair, she is a musician, not a secret agent, and it's perhaps no great surprise that she can't really hold her own in a fight against a Russian soldier. However, the fact is that she is very beautiful and easily likable, and that makes it very easy to like her. That said, Dalton gives a great performance when Bond is trying to communicate to Kara to drive her jeep onto the Hercules jet - the look on his face is priceless.

Their are a whole range of brilliant characters in this movie, all brought to life by some exceptional actors and actresses. Villainous henchman Necros is portrayed by former ballet dancer Andreas Wisniewski, and aside from a disturbingly blank performance by the actor in question (so blank he appears not to feel pain, although it's never really confirmed if that is the case), the direction and editing makes him even more scarier; a brilliant move is to have the Pretenders' song "Where Has Everybody Gone" constantly playing on Necros' walkman, meaning we hear Necros before we see him. Thomas Wheatley plays Saunders, Bond's contact in Czechoslovaki; initially a hindrance to Bond's activities, he ultimately comes through for Bond when he realises that Koskov has duped them in faking his defection. There's a very good chemistry between Dalton and Wheatley (in fact if only this had been the relationship between Bond and Leiter...) and Bond's anger at Saunders death seems completely believable and one can't join in the desire for revenge Bond gets. Finally, John Rhys Davies plays the new KGB boss General Leonard Pushkin (initially this character was supposed to be General Gogol, but Gotell's health meant that was impossible - as a consequence Bond and "M" both appear to know this new General very well, despite us never seeing him before) and again there is a great relationship between Bond and Pushkin that makes the relationship very believable. The scene where Bond threatens to kill Pushkin in order to discover what Koskov is doing is very, very tense. One of the things that the Bond films has done really well is to show the KGB chiefs - be it Gogol or Pushkin - as sensible humans, rather than ruthless psychotics.

Outside of casting there are a whole lot of other great things that make this movie. John Glen who has revitalised the Bond series seems to have gotten a bit more inspiration with a new Bond (and he does disturb those pigeons!), and so there is a whole lot of new things going on, including the return of the Aston Martin - now a Volante - chock full of gadgets. Indeed there seem to be far more gadgets in this movie than in the last three movies, but all are used rather well, and Bond doesn't seem to rely on them particularly. The fight scenes are particularly effective in this movie, from a brilliant opening fight between Necros and a MI6 butler (and it's great to see that he isn't a pushover; clearly MI6 train all their agents well, no matter what position they hold) to a rather disturbing fight at a jail in Afghanistan, and two great fights at the end - one between Bond and Necros in midair, and the shootout between Bond and Whittaker. All the locales are exotic and shot very beautifully - be they Vienna, Czechoslovakia, Tangiers (although with the morning wailing I was put in the mind of the Pink Panther films for a moment). The script is particularly well written with some wonderful lines for everybody in the film, and a very complex plot; possibly the most complex of all the Bond films (think about it...it's not as staightforward as it appears). And, of course, Kara says "Oh, James" at the end of the movie, wrapping everything up nicely.

I have no complaints with this movie, so I don't have bits and bobs to mention, but I would like to make note of the music in this film. The Living Daylights is performed by a-Ha, and we've already mentioned that the Pretenders perform Where Has Everybody Gone; but it's also worth noting that for the first time we get a special closing song - If There Was A Man, again performed by the Pretenders. These three themes all appear in John Barry's incidental music which is the best score he has ever written for a Bond film. I've already mentioned his amazing Bond theme, but music like that which accompanies Bond and Kara's journey to the Muhajadin's headquarters is simply sumptious. It's perhaps appropriate, then, that Barry actually gets to make a cameo appearance in the film as the conductor of Kara's orchestra at the end.

After twenty-five years, and fifteen Bond films, the producers have shown that, not only have they not lost originality, but they are at the top of their game. This is the best Bond movie ever.

Favourite Bond: 1. Timothy Dalton; 2. Roger Moore; 3. Sean Connery; 4. George Lazenby
Favourite movie order: 1. The Living Daylights; 2. On Her Majesty's Secret Service; 3. Dr No; 4. A View To A Kill; 5. Live And Let Die; 6. Thunderball; 7. For Your Eyes Only/Octopussy 8. The Spy Who Loved Me; 9. From Russia, With Love; 10. Goldfinger; 11. You Only Live Twice; 12. Moonraker; 13. The Man With The Golden Gun; 14. Diamonds Are Forever
Favourite Bond girl: 1. Claudine Auger/Dominio; 2. Diana Rigg/Tracy; 3. Carole Bouquet/Melina; 4. Barbara Bach/Anya; 5. Maud Adams/Octopussy 6. Mie Hama/Kissy; 7. Daniela Bianchi/Tanya; 8. Ursula Andress/Honey; 9. Jane Seymour/Solitaire; 10. Maryam D'Abo/Kara; 11. Lois Chiles/Holly; 12. Honor Blackman/Pussy; 13. Tanya Roberts/Stacy; 14. Britt Ekland/Mary; 15. Jill St John/Tiffany
Favourite Bond villain: 1. Donald Pleasance/Blofeld; 2. Gert Frobe/Goldfinger; 3. Christopher Lee/Scaramanga; 4. Jeroen Krabbe & Joe Don Baker/Koskov & Whittaker; 5. Christopher Walken/Zorin; 6. Louis Jordan & Steven Berkov/Kahn & Orlov 7. Adolfo Celi/Largo; 8. Michael Lonsdale/Drax; 9. Yaphet Kotto/Mr Big-Dr Kananga; 10. Julian Glover/Kristatos; 11. Joseph Wiseman/Dr No; 12. Lotte Lenya/Klebb; 13. Telly Savalas/Blofeld; 14. Charles Gray/Blofeld; 15. Curt Jurgens/Stromberg

Law & Order: Criminal Intent - Please Note We are No Longer Accepting Letters of Recommendation from Henry Kissinger (Season Seven)

Goren's back to being clean shaven, and Eames has apparently forgotten why she was bitching and moaning about Goren not telling her about being undercover, so it looks as though the reset switch has been hit and the two detectives are back to being the way they were. Thank god, let's hope it's never brought up again.
Sadly, even though the pretitle sequence has gone back to being edited in the usual fashion, without any of the ridiculous decorations that usually precede a Goren episode, the rest of the episode is a bit ordinary. A person is killed, Goren and Eames go down the wrong path. A second is killed, and the detectives head down another route, but this one is wrong as well. A third one is murdered and this time they get the right motive. Lucky it wasn't too complicated, otherewise another few people would have to die before the Goren would work it out.

What's the most frustrating thing about this episode is that again Goren is being used as just a standard detective. The whole point of Goren was he was a Sherlock Holmes type character, able to pick up on small clues that no one else would see. Nowadays all he does is just go...oh, that guy had a gay lover...maybe it was him. Nope. Well maybe the two had a connection...yup, but it's not that...

I don't mind this kind of investigation, but not on Law & Order: Criminal Intent. When I want standard police procedure, I watch Law & Order. Criminal Intent seems to have almost jumped the shark, and I hope that the promise of next year's changes will bring the series back to where it is supposed to be.

"C+"

The Sarah Jane Adventures: The Day Of The Clown (Series 2)

So Maria has moved on. What a shame. She was very engaging and added a certain something to the show.
There is something inherently disturbing about clowns and the appearance of the clown in the pre-title sequence, freaking out the kids, is quite disturbing, and I have to agree with Sarah Jane when she claims to find them skin-crawling. Very, very true. As choice of villain in "The Day Of The Clown" the clown is a great villain, but what's even more interesting is when we discover that it is, in fact, the Pied Piper of Hamlin. Doctor Who has always benefitted from shamelessly pillaging from other sources, and it's great to see that Sarah Jane Adventures has no qualms in doing exactly the same thing.

But, of course, the main thrust of this episode is not so much to battle clowns, but to meet the person who is essentially Maria's replacement, not only in Sarah's life, but also quite literally in the house across the street. The Chandra family have moved in and to the dismay of Clyde, the father is their new head teacher. Rani Chandra, however, has a profound effect on Clyde, who falls for her quite instantly, but it is her fascination with the unknown and unexplained that intrigues Luke, who is still mourning the departure of Maria. Rani is, if anything, even more likeable than Maria, and has a keen mind, able to work out on her own, exactly what Sarah Jane has already worked out.

OK, so how coincidental is it that Sarah Jane should meet another young lady who happens to be in exactly the same headspace as her? Well, very, but let's face it, this is a kid's show.

"A"

Ultimate Power

The Ultimate Marvel universe is a pretty small place when all things are considered. There's the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, Spider-Man and the Ultimates and they are all based in New York. There are a few other vigilantes floating around - Daredevil, Dr Strange, Moon Knight...but surprise, surprise, they all hang around New York as well. So it's something of a surprise to think that until know all those heroes haven't met up together at the same time. Oh, sure, most of them were there for Gah Lak Tus, but Spider-Man was noticeably absent. Ultimate Power sees that small place show it's constraints as the groups finally do come together, and yet strangely enough the universe itself is opened up as another dimension bursts into Earth-1610.

I decided to do a bit of background reading on the Squadron Supreme before they showed up in Ultimate Power, and was a little surprised to find that they had faced the Avengers earlier, although the Squadron that turns up in Ultimate Power are a parallel version of that. In fact, it seems that this Squadron is a bit of a spoof of the DC Justice League. Hyperion being Superman, Blur being Flash, Princess Power being Wonder Woman, etc. That said, though, Supreme Power is a comic aimed at adults and the Ultimate Universe is a more grown up version of the standard Marvel Universe, so if Supreme Power was ever going to cross over with anything, the ultimate universe would be it.

Brian Michael Bendis, who is essentially the architect of the Ultimate universe, writes the first three issues of this series and, aside from completely shagging Ultimate continuity (seriously, does Bendis even remotely keep track of what is happening in the X-Men?) he provides us with the set up for the story and essentially tells us what is happening from the Ultimate point of view. Which means that, when things go over to the Power universe, it's appropriate that J Michael Straczynski takes over as the architect of that dimension.

It must have been hard for both of these writers not to show their particular heroes as being just a little better than the other team, and certainly Straczynski is a little guilty of this - the Squadron Supreme seemingly able to easily hold their own against all the heroes of the Ultimate universe, which is just a little unbelievable. Bendis, on the other hand, shows the Squadron losing, but blames it on the dimensional jump, which is a little fairer.

As the story progresses - Reed Richards being accused of essentially destroying the Power universe, but in fact being manipulated unwittingly by both, and independent of each other, Emil Burbank and Nick Fury; Fury being in league with Dr Doom. It's something of a surprise to find that Doom is back, and is never really explained but perhaps that's just one of the conceits of comic books.

For the last three issues, Jeph Loeb takes over the writing task, and Loeb is perhaps best remembered for such wonderful things as DC's Hush in which he manages to bring virtually every villain who ever looked sideways at Batman into a battle with the Dark Knight. Given the amount of people in this comic (and bearing in mind that towards the end of the series there is not one, but two Squadron Supremes!) Loeb seems like a good choice to wrap this up, and Loeb does seem to treat them fairly. What is perhaps the best part about the whole comic is that Fury has a back up plan in his attack on the Power Universe, and that backup plan is to release the Hulk. I love the fact that in the Ultimate universe, the Hulk is the worst thing there. Never mind criminal masterminds like Doom and Magneto - once the unstoppable and cannabilistic Hulk is unleashed, everyone stops to take notice.

All in all the series is a great read. With so many characters, though, it's fairly obvious that some characters are going to suffer a little, but what actually happens is that most of the characters just fill up the background. From the Squadron, happily Hyperion, Power Princess and Doctor Spectrum all get stuff to do, while everyone else just fights. From the Ultimate universe, however, Spider-Man, Mr Fantastic, Shadowcat, Invisible Woman, the Thing, Captain America, Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch all get parts to play, while everyone else just plays in teh background. It's almost inevitable that this will happen, however, so I suppose that you have to be aware going into the comic.
Greg Land's art, however, is really good, and I love his takes on the FF and Carol Danvers in particular. Land has a great way of drawing the women in the comic and they all end up looking stunning.

All in all, continuity aside, the comic ends up working really well and is an enjoyable read.

"B+"