Torchwood - Pack Animals, SkyPoint, Almost Perfect

To date the Torchwood novels have been of varying quality, ranging from the pretty ordinary first three novels (which, admittedly, had the distinct disadvantage of having to be written after the very ordinary first season) to the slightly more enjoyable second trio (again, benefitting from coming after considerably better second season). The latest three novels - Pack Animals, SkyPoint and Almost Perfect - are easily the best the novel series has yet to release, completely embracing the new Torchwood philosphy, and presenting us with three slightly offbeat tales centering around a group of likable and friendly characters.

Pack Animals sees Gwen and Rhys preparing for their wedding (one notable aspect of these novels is that they are not consecutive, slotting into various points in Series II), but being attacked by a Weevil and a large flying dog in the shopping centre. More curious is that a "Magick" style game is on sale which features real aliens. Though this is an entertaining novel, it suffers from something that a lot of Peter Angelhides Torchwood work suffers from, and that's giving us mulitple examples of the situation that's occurring. We are subjected to copious alien attacks from the "Magick" cards, the majority of which don't really push the plot forward. Angelhides nails the characters marvellously (and indeed all these books do, but perhaps more impressively they also nail the character of Rhys really well), with some very witty moments including PC Andy stirring Rhys up about illegal parking. Angelhides brings us another group of people retreiving alien equipment, but we are shown quite clearly why it should be left to the experts. Of the three novels, though, Pack Animals is actually the weakest; that it is so good should give a lot of hope.

SkyPoint is more of a Tosh and Owen novel - which is about time, really - as, after Gwen and Rhys go looking for a new home, having recently been married, they discover a place where people are mysteriously vanishing. Enter Tosh and the deceased Owen, who become a married couple in order to discover what is going on - in this particular instance, a mobster who has a pet alien in the building that is randomly chowing down on people that take its fancy. As I said, this is Tosh and Owen's novel more than any of the others, and we get to see a great deal of their relationship and the motivations behind it, as well as some priceless moments, including Owen discovering that one of the occupants is a BDSM prostitute. Perhaps one thing that is not necessarily a criticism of this book as such, but of the book range in general, is the amping up of homosexuality. The criticism stems, not in the inclusion of it, but the apparent ignoring of lesbians. The Torchwood universe seems to be populated by a lot of open-minded people, but none of them are lesbians. In this book there is a gay couple who are simply gay, which is nice, but given the next book, perhaps it would have been just as effective if they were lesbians.

Almost Perfect is easily the best of the three novels, partially because it is written in such a brilliant style - James Goss writes his stories with a large number of very short chapters, but more often than not he likes to play with the style just a little - one chapter, for instance, is nothing more than a few lines of conversations. Equally, he actually uses chapter titles, but all are in the style of Facebook status updates (Jack is..., Gwen is... etc). This novel is set after Series II, and as such has only three Torchwood characters to deal with, which is something of a blessing as it means that all three (as well as Rhys) get some nice development, although again, this is more of a Jack and Ianto novel. The entire premise of the story - that Ianto has suddenly become a very beautiful woman along with a restaurant full of skeletons turning up - is quite mysterious and quite curious. The book centers, to a certain degree in the last third, around a gay nightclub, and it is for this reason that there seems to be a slight dismissal of lesbians, as we are presented with nothing but male homosexual couples in the novels. That aside though, this is easily the best novel of the three, and certainly the best novel of the entire range.

The Torchwood novels are really going from strength to strength as the writers get a better grip on who they are writing about and have more fun playing with the world Russell T Davies has created. Really looking forward to the next three.

Belle De Jour - The Intimate Adventures Of A London Call Girl

I have to admit that sex is something that fascinates me. The whole sex industry (and I don't think that this is just me) holds some sort of lurid fascination. It's the underbelly of the nice society, and yet at the end of the day, and especially after reading this book, it turns out that it's really a fairly straight forward sort of job place. You wake up, you go to work, you keep different hours than most and get paid better than most, and you probably enjoy your job more than most.

Belle De Jour is essentially the diary of a prostitute named Belle. She has a very wry sense of humour and regards her job very dispassionately, although she does point out the fatal flaws that can occasionally crop up in it. Following about a year of her life, we get to see her going to a variety of different clients who want a variety of different things, and at the same time we are privy to her friends; former boyfriend and trusted confidante "N", former boyfriends A1, A2, A3 and A4, current boyfriend "The Boy" and her agent "The Manager". These are all painted in fairly broad strokes, but come to life more when we discover the origins of their relationships with Belle.

Perhaps the thing that is most obscure about Belle's lifestyle is her rather strange fetishisms. For me personally, her stories about being a prostitute barely raise an eyebrow and the ability to accept her occupation is not a problem for me. However, when she details how she once dated a man who she liked to have smack her around, and "N"'s offer to pee on her when she is depressed is given serious consideration - these are things that I find difficult to relate to, and perhaps indicate a greater distance between reader and author. We can all relate to awful working conditions and dickhead clients, but it's a lot more difficult to empathise with hardcore SDSM.

That said, that aspect of the book is relatively small, and more than made up for by the rest of her diary entries, and her witty A-Z on the sex industry. A very entertaining read.

Star Blazers

Now in my thirties, I feel fully justified by grumbling that things aren't what they used to be, and that it was much better back in my day. I say that about a lot of things, including television, but in the case of kids' television I feel quite justified. Kids today just don't have the same great cartoons we used to have, and although the memory cheats, when I got Star Blazers for Christmas, I discovered that it is not always the case.

Earth is being devastated by the planet bombs of the Gamilons, lead by their ruthless leader Deslok. Quite why we don't know, but that question is answered towards the end of the series. Regardless, as the radiation from the bombs is causing people to retreat to underground cities, Earth really only has one year to survive. But the arrival on Mars of a beautiful woman named Astra reveals that on the planet Iscandar, Queen Starsha has something called the Cosmo DNA which will heal the Earth and dispel the radiation.

Enter the Star Force, Earth's last hope. A group of dedicated soldiers who will pilot a spaceship called the Argo - actually the rebuilt Yamato sea ship - to Iscandar using a new engine type which also powers the amazing wave motion gun. Star Force has that one year to get there and back.

The series is a funny old beast really, because at times it is quite slow and introspective, whilst other episodes are just nothing but space action. The programme pauses to see the Star Force bury their dead, and relationships are formed and destroyed. The saddest thing, though, is Captain Avatar's gradual deterioration throughout the series, getting sicker and sicker and being unable to perform his duties in the final few episodes.

It's only 26 episodes long, which makes for quite easy television watching. While other Japanese programmes like Planet Of The Planets hacked the original Japanese to bits, Star Blazers really only removes some of the deaths of characters, and some inappropriate sex (in the Japanese version, the robot IQ-9 isn't just in love with Nova, he spends a lot of time molesting her). As a result, Star Blazers is quite close to its original in themes as well as storylines.

I remembered this programme with fondness, and I can see why now, as the series is quite high concept for children, with a long arcing story that makes kids pay attention and learn from what is happening.

The Saint

Things being what they are, there is very little room for originality on television, and when it happens it is quickly plundered to give a billion variations on the same theme, each one becoming a little like that photocopier that is running out of ink and producing copies that are just a little more faded than the one before. Of course, in truth, very little is ever original and The Saint is no exception, based on the book series that began in 1928 by author Leslie Chateris.

When talking about the Saint, most people think either of the 1960's television series with the impossibly suave Roger Moore playing the part, or the rather dull 1997 movie which saw Val Kilmer play a character so far removed from either the novel Saint or Moore's Saint it wasn't funny. Some people may remember Ian Ogilvy's turn in the 70's revival Return Of The Saint, but sadly very few remember the 1989 series starring Simon Dutton.

The series is six 90 minute episodes, all of varying quality and, due to a decision to see the series get oversees financing, all filmed in a variety of locations. Rather interestingly, a lot of very series themes feature in the episodes. Simon Dutton plays the Saint as more faithful to the Chateris version; though smooth and suave, he is not a joker and has a somewhat harder edge to him than his two predecessors. In fact, he is a little to the Saint as Timothy Dalton is to James Bond, perhaps reflecting a sign of the times.

The Brazilian Connection kicks the series off with a story about smuggling babies from Brazil and illegally adopting them out in England. This story is one of two episodes featuring Inspector Teal, the only other character from the novels, and sets up a very curious relationship between Teal and the Saint. It's entertaining to watch Teal ordered to arrest the Saint when he knows that Templar is the best investigating tool they have.

The Software Murders attempts to get real and gritty by showing us computer crime, and rather entertainingly at the beginning of the episode, the Saint instant messaging his friend in South America. I'm not sure if they were just lucky by showing this, or actually did some proper research, but it's quite good all the same. The majority of the episode is set in the English countryside, and this probably gives Dutton the best chance to shine as the Saint, even though the episode itself is quite straight forward.

The Big Bang is the first of the foreign location episodes, and has the Saint escorting a prisoner who is the only person that can testify against a much larger criminal who is attempting a corporate takeover, and getting his men to throw people out of windows a lot. This is one of the episodes that has the Saint not only helping the police by bringing down the big bad guy, but also shows his less savoury side as he happily steals from the rich to give to, well to the person he feels most inclined to give it to. It's the thief aspect to the character that makes the Saint somewhat different to other heroes of the time, and it's nice to see it used more often than was done in previous versions.

The Blue Dulac is easily the worst of the episodes, and one can't help but feel sorry for Simon Dutton, who looks as though as soon as each scene is finished he's going to be on the phone to his agent demanding to know how he ended up with such a terrible gig. Set in France, the story revolves around jewel thiefs and a pair of twins, and the Saint trying to find the villain responsible for the murder of two of his friends. While it's the lightest story of the group, Dutton looks uncomfortable dealing with corny, and the actual production values of the episode are appalling. The dubbing is particularly bad.

Wrong Number sees Simon Templar accidentally receiving a phone call that his curiousity can't resist and, after finding a dead body, he becomes embroiled in a spy ring in Germany, brokering deals between the West Germans, East Germans, French, English and Americans. It's all a little mundane, but does have some great fight sequences and, of course, the true villain turns out to be an American who is planning on selling weapons to an arms dealer. Perhaps the best part of the episode is trying to work out who is stabbing who in the back.

Fear In Fun Park is the episode set in Australia, and sees a great use of Australian actors, and despite the fact they don't exaggerate their accents, they do seem to exaggerate the slang - by the end the Saint is actually have shrimp on the barbie, of all things. This episode centers around the sale of Luna Park to a Hong Kong triad, although the Australian owners wish to keep it, little realising there is a traitor in their midst. As a side note, the Saint is actually tracking down a girl who he believes has been sold into prostitution. A girl actually is during the episode, and ultimately never meets the Saint, finally hanging herself rather than go on. It's a grim turn of events in the episode, and easily the darkest moment of the series. Richard Roxburgh guest stars in the episode, and there is a cameo appearance by Ernie Dingo of all people.

The DVD set has no extra material, and the transfer to DVD is not particularly good. It seems that someone has used their personal home copy of the stories to make the DVDs and as such, every so often there seems to be video interference on screen. It seems sad that so little care has been taken on the set, almost as though releasing it has been an afterthought; a sort of "well, we've done the other two television series, guess we should do this one to". Simon Dutton is not well served by the scripts for this series...it would have been nice if the DVD could have made up for that.

Doctor Who - The E-Space Trilogy (DVD)

Season 18 is an odd beast in the classic Doctor Who series, as there is a huge sense of change throughout the entire season. But it is a progressive thing, and so it doesn't fit comfortably with the previous Graham Williams style scripts, despite opening with one that was obviously a leftover from that era. Nor does it fit the rest of the eighties - despite having the Peter Howell version of the theme, the starfield title sequence, the instantly recognisable 80's incidental music. Here it fails to fit in because script editor Christopher H Bidmead has a very different take on the programme, worlds apart from his predecessor Douglas Adams, and his successor Eric Saward. Oh, and of course, because it stars Tom Baker.

Poor old Tom clearly wasn't having a good time during this season. Having been accustomed to having everyone hang off his every word, and virtually dictating the direction of the show, regardless of what former producer Graham Williams thought, it must have been quite a shock when he walked into new producer John Nathan-Turner's office, and told him and Bidmead he felt it was time for him to go, and not get the response, oh, but Tom you must stay. And Nathan-Turner and Bidmead had a youthful arrogance that said this is OUR show, not yours, and we'll do what we want. For Tom, it was clear that he was now surplus to requirements. Lalla Ward had the same impression, and neither of them liked the scripts that were presented to them. As for their new co-star...well...

The E-Space Trilogy sees the Time Lords and their metal dog (once again voiced by John Leeson) crossing into another universe, smaller than ours, and apparently greener. Their mission - to return home. It's Star Trek Voyager, done over three stories, rather than seven years.

Full Circle sess the TARDIS materialise on the planet Alzarius, where the small group of people who live there are about to lock themselves away in the spaceship their ancestors arrived in because Mistfall is arriving and, aside from the mist killing everyone, spiders spring from the river fruit and monsters stalk out of the water. The Doctor gets involved with the settlers, discovering a bizarre secret about them, while Romana meets a group of rebels (against society of all things) including a young man called Adric, who will stow away at the end. The show is quite entertaining, and rather interestingly sees the Doctor and Romana swept up in events rather than being the catalyst for them. George Baker has an appearance in this programme, alongside James Bree (one gets the rather entertaining image of the two of them chatting about On Her Majesty's Secret Service in tea breaks), and the two are very, very good as the planet's leaders. The Marshmen are quite convincing, though better on location than in studio, and clearly inspired from the Creature From The Black Lagoon, but the marsh spiders are atrocious. Romana has little to do, while Adric is not as terrible as he could be. Meanwhile, Tom phones in his performance, except for one amazing scene where a young Marshman frees himself from experimentation, and then is killed as it tries to reach out to the Doctor through a video screen. Tom gives one of his brilliant righteous anger scenes which he is so amazing at.

State Of Decay, though second in order was actually filmed first, and this time the TARDIS lands on a planet where a small group of villagers are oppressed by the local lords who turn out to be vampires. The vampires' plan is to resurrect the great vampire who lays beneath the castle, and who is an ancient enemy of the Time Lords! This is my favourite story of the trilogy, because it's steeped in Gothic imagery which is wonderful, and, as Terrance Dicks points out on the commentary, has a number of "traditional" vampire movie scenes in it (Adric being warned against going up to the castle for instance). However, the cleverness of this is the science-fiction additions to it which, though Dicks moans bitterly about his problems with, are the result of Bidmead's work. Bidmead claims, on the documentary, that he thinks some great things can come from creative tension, and this would seem to prove his point. Meanwhile, on the acting front, the three lords are absolutely brilliant, with costumes out of a period drama, and makeup out of an 80s music video. Tom again phones in his performance, though to be fair he was very ill on this filming, while there the lack of love between Lalla Ward and Matthew Waterhouse makes the tension between Romana and Adric very real.
Warriors' Gate is the third of the trilogy, finally giving the TARDIS travellers their way back to the normal universe. They arrive in a strange no-place where a spaceship is also trying to get out, but their captain is at his wit's end, and his plans involved destroying the very place they are in. They are also trafficking time sensitives, but time being what it is, the slavery may soon come to end as all things do. Complex? Well, it is quite frankly. However, if ever a story was a triumph of style over content, this is it. The whole piece is beautifully acted and shot in a very atmospheric and moody way that you are content to just watch it. And then watch it again to see what you missed. And then watch it again to try to understand the story. Points go to the actors playing the Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern characters of Aldo and Royce, but in truth the entire cast is well and truly up to scratch. Sadly this is the final story for Romana, and though her exit is a little bit of a surprise, it is nicely played by Baker who finally manages to show some emotion in the story.

As for the extras...all three have commentaries; Waterhouse, Bidmead and writer Andrew Smith are very entertaining for Full Circle, while Waterhouse is pushed to the background as Dicks and Peter Moffatt bitch for State Of Decay, mostly about Bidmead. On Warriors' Gate, director Paul Joyce, SFX Mat Irvine, Bidmead, Leeson and Ward all provide a very interesting commentary, with level headed, but honest comments about their time on the show, their feelings about it, their feelings about the management and their experiences with Tom Baker. All three also have "making of" documentaries, the Warriors' Gate one being the best simply because of the difficulties in getting the production made. Sadly Tom Baker has no part in any of these documentaries which is something of a shame. Matthew Waterhouse talks about his time as Adric in another doco, while a variety of people, including Lalla Ward, discuss her costumes in the series.

Rather bizarrely there are a number of what can only be described as contextual documentaries as well; Full Circle has one about parallel universes, while State of Decay has a number, including ones on blood, vampires, and Sir Christopher Frayling discussing the story in relation to other vampire literature. These documentaries are a continuing trend of seeing material only peripherally related to the show, but trying to put it into a context. They are quite interesting, but sometimes they verge on the obscure...it's hard to see what a butcher could bring to a Doctor Who documentary, but it's there.

Overall this box set is a great release, with three stories that are really quite good, and the usual plethora of extra materials that show Doctor Who is really the only television programme that is getting value on the DVDs. Outstanding.