Big Brother 08: Crowded House

When Russell T Davies, Doctor Who's showrunner (bear with me, this is leading somewhere) tells people something about the series in general, I have discovered you can't believe a word of it. Billie Piper is never coming back, he said. Whatever! I hate the Master and will never use him. O...K...then... Similarly I have come to believe the same thing about Big Brother's producers and their mouthpieces.

OK, OK. I wanted so much not to write a negative review about what we are seeing so far, but the fact of the matter is, the producers fucked up last year and have made the very same mistake again this year. Last year Hayley and Andrew went into the house, and then it transpired that Hayley was going to her sister's wedding while the series was still on. Lo! we are then told that either Hayley or Andrew has to leave, and surprise, surprise, it was Hayley. Pure coincidence, we were told by Big Brother. Also coincidence that Andrew got evicted just in time to get back to work? He couldn't take that the full BB period as leave from the fire brigade...how convenient that he managed to get evicted in just the right time frame.

So, BB tells us that the top three housemates voted by Australia will become housemates and go into the house. For three days, it turns out. Corey is told to vote two out, but chooses not to, and Terri takes it on - and apparently this makes up for her failing to control Corey and so she gets to be a housemate. So much for that first eviction then, BB. Meanwhile on the outside world, we discover that Michael has, on his website, a little note saying he is touring at the end of May. And SURPRISE!!! He's one of the two evicted by Terri. It's so astonishingly convenient it blows my mind.
I'm sorry, but if the Big Brother producers told me that the sky was blue, I'd go outside to check, because everything that comes out of their stupid faces these days is a lie. A piece of advice, BB: manipulate the circumstances the housemates are in, not the housemates themselves. It makes for better entertainment. Do it properly or don't do it all, and don't pretend that you are making radical changes to the house when, at the end of the day, you are simply recycling the same old junk in new wrapping paper.

So, you ask yourselves, why do I still watch it if I hate it so much? Two reasons - one, it gives me something to complain about (usually I don't have anything to complain about because life is sweet), and two, I hope, passionately hope that it will get better. Sucks to be an optimist.

"D-"