Ms Kwan

Ok, so there are times for me to be gushy and times for me to be really, really harsh. This review has been a bit of a time coming, I have to say. It was begged for, demanded (apparently by Hollie who didn't even leave a message on the blog - what a bitch! Oh yeah...I went there...you be hatin' girlfrien'!...as we say in the hood) for and something I also said I'd do in passing.

Right, so negatives first. Kwan has no sense of colour. She thinks Kate on dance Australia has brown hair. It's RED you color blind bimbo!!! Open your eyes!!! (Having said that, I've just taken a little look at some photos of Kate and I have to admit her red is very dark red...so maybe I'm being a gnat's wing harsh...meh, Kwan can take it :)). She has the worst taste in movies (look at her collection - there is *no* variety in there whatsoever...it's just chick flick, chick flick, chick flick...variety dear, variety!! It's the spice of life). Her taste in television is not much better (she loves Sex & The City...god, if ever there was a television show that thought it was cool because it introduced a bit of nudity and women talking about being sluts this is it. No, it's not good television...it's painful...Chris Noth must cry himself to sleep for the fact that he was actually in this blight of a programme). Her only redeeming feature in terms of television is her love of reality shows, like myself.

And that's a good point. Kwan, like myself, is one of the few people who have the necessary knowledge of everything to be able to judge all reality programmes. Oh yes, we know that Demi is shit. And she is, not because she is, but because we said she is. We know Cosi is a prick. Snaps to Kwan for that.

Now...clothes sense...not another area for her to be proud of. I mean, she always looks "green sticker" (you know what I'm talking about K-Dog+), but when she chooses clothes to wear...oh god. We're talking turd-in-grass dress, we're talking my-skin-fades-into-the-dress dress...some really bad choices there, dear, really bad. And I told her the last one was bad, but she wouldn't listen.

OH GOD and that's another thing. SHE NEVER LISTENS TO ME!!! It's like...

Kwan: Hi Ry, today I've decided to jump off a cliff.

Ryan: Kwan, I think that's a bad idea."

Kwan: Really? Well in that case I'll just have to do it.

Ryan: Is that because you're stupid?

Kwan: Well, now you come to mention it, given that you know everything I suppose I am.

Ryan: Someone shoot me now.

I swear I could slap that bi-atch silly!

But here's the thing. Kwan's my little sister. OK, not my real little sister - she lives in London and I love her to bits. But I've had Kwan (well, not had in the biblical sense) in my house for close to a year, and I've known her ever since I taught her way back in the nineties, and I think of her as my little sister. I'm protective of her, I don't like her doing dumb things, and I love having her around. She's going to move out soon to make way for my daughter, but that's kind of a shame because she really is an aunty to young mini-Sarah.

I'm going to miss her.

"A++" (in spite of all the above ;) And that's probably the highest grade she's ever received from me :)).

PS - she's also hot and has great boobs. Just ask her about the boobs. Oh yeah...:D