Channel Ten's Sunday Night Entertainment

The Biggest Loser

In what is arguably the most pointless episode of the Biggest Loser this year we spend enormous amounts of time getting on the scales only for Garry and Kirsten to fall below. At that point you can predict exactly what is going to happen. The producers try to sell the idea that we don't know how anyone is going to vote, but let's face it, Alison and Sam were always going to kick off Garry. Alison was a dead cert and no matter how often they try to convince us that Sam might do something surprising with Sam commenting on "blah, blah's such a big threat and I have to think about me" or KB saying "I feel a lot less safer now", the fact is Sam always ends up supporting the blue team and saying something crap like "I bleed blue" or whatever.

Strangely enough, I'm over Kirsten. From the week she decided to be a complete bitch towards Bryce and his big weight loss, she seems to get very narky if ever she falls below the yellow line. Kirsten loves to point the finger in every direction, but the fact is she's below the yellow line because her percentage is low, and for no other reason. I really hoped Sam might actually boot off Kirsten tonight, but sadly it didn't happen.

Then we get the four of them going home to loved ones and how much they've changed, and how much their life has changed, blah, blah, blah. I don't care anymore. I hope Sam wins, and I suspect he probably will, because I doubt Alison can do it, and I don't think Kirsten can lose enough weight for her percentage to overcome Sam's.
At the arse-end of the series, I find I have no interest anymore in any of them.

So You Think You Can Dance Australia

What a fucking crock.

Alright, let's review...So Natalie was actually looking nice tonight, which is a surprise. Not sure why it's taken so long for the hair and makeup people to get it right, or maybe they decided that Cat Deeley always looks great in the finale so Natalie should as well. There were long series of montages throughout the entire show, which brought back some fond memories, but basically made me want to gnaw my arm off in order for them to get down to it.

Then they revealed that the Demi was not in the top three. I'm so shocked...Couldn't see that coming at all. Why on Earth would Australia not vote for this ugly, one-trick pony? Moving on...

A long series of guest performances made me wonder what the hell was going on. Certainly some of them were fantastic (mostly the dancing ones) but I really don't need to see Damien Leith ever, and Ten need to stop trying to jumpstart this guy's career. There is a reason for him not selling records - he's crap. Move on peoples. We get a guest performance from that English lass (can't remember her name) and a nice performance by the Tap Dogs.

I have to say that all the specially choreographed routines for the night were really quite spectacular, but easily the one that was outstanding was Matt Lee's opening number in which the top twenty dancers, plus choreographers Project Moda, Nacho Pop, Jason Gilkison and the three judges themselves all performed was quite spectacular. I thought it was great that Matt, Bonnie and Jason danced because it gave a lot of credibility to them as judges. They danced on par with the contestents and for me it completely justified them as judges.

Add to that the impressive krumping performance by the krumpers who didn't make it (and Khali), the top ten dance routine (which was quite good) and the top four performance (which showed how out of her league Demi truly was), and we had great dances all round.

And then Kate was voted off.

What the hell was with that? That girl was fantastic. I'm sorry, but she was superior to Jack and quite possibly superior to Rhys, and frankly she should have been one of the top two girls. She has a real "come hither" look about her that makes her dance routines come alive. I was ready to kick the television set in.

Finally we start to get the dance performances from previous shows, and I was amazed at how lacklustre they were. I was never a big fan of Stephanie and Marco's original Jason Gilkison (he can do wrong!) dance routine, but Anthony and Laura's disco routine I remember being blown away by, particularly Anthony who seemed in his element, and yet tonight he seemed a little bored with the whole thing.

Rhys and Jemma are faultless in my book, and Jemma is so in love with Rhys!! She couldn't stop staring into his eyes after their waltz, though I'm surprised they didn't do the Pasa Doble which was much sexier and so good. Equally Kate and Hylton were fantastic with their foxtrot. And despite the fact I can't stand the little trog, Vanessa and Henry did their awesome contempory African-style routine. It was really nice to see Cassie back again, as it was criminal she was voted off when she was (she should easily have been in the top three with Jemma), and the routine she did with Graeme was one I remember being quite impressed by at the time. And, yes, despite the fact they fucked it up the first time, JD and Rhiannon performed their tango wonderfully - although I'm sure Rhiannon was disappointed she didn't get to show off her midriff.

Wonderful as it all was, we then got a new dance from Jack and Rhys, and I wondered if they all had to learn specific dances depending on who they might end up with in the final two, but realised that was just stupid as the top four all probably learned the same dance. It was very well done, and credit where credit's due, Jack and Rhys were as good as each other in the performance.

But Jack winning? I'm sorry, it just seems wrong. I don't like it. If Rhys or Kate had won, I'd be happy as, but Jack? Nah...he just never quite got there as far as I was concerned. And I mean that on a total run from beginning to end. Rhys embraced his partners, and achieved a magic first with Jemma and then with Kate that Jack never achieved (except, maybe, with Kate). Jack just wasn't the best, I feel.

That said, I could so see poor Rhys thinking all night "I'm gay I'm gay I'm gay I'm gay I'm gay...how hot is Jemma? DAMN I'm gay I'm gay I'm gay I'm gay I'm gay...Jack or Kate? Jack or Kate...Kate? NOOO!!!!"

Big Brother

Oh good lord. Perhaps, after last years attack on the so called diversity of the housemates, one begins to wonder if Southern Star/Endemol just went a little silly this year.

Exec: "Uhh...we need diversity...anyone got any ideas?"

Coffee Boy: "Well...we interviewed some granny who's a Pauline Hanson wannabe?"

Exec: "A freakshow? Fantastic, I like it. What else?"

PC Guy: "We should have an aboriginal. That worked on So You Think You Can Dance."

Exec: "Pillaging other shows for ideas? I like it! Promote that guy."

Gaffer: "Oh, oh, oh!!! My friend's testicles haven't dropped!!!"

Exec: "He's in!"

Paper Jockey: "My ex boyfriend's a UFO freak."

Exec: "How freaky?"

Paper Jockey: "He has Roswell tattooed on his arm."

Exec: "He's in! But come on...let's get someone who is really out there, peoples."

Kyle Sandilands: "I once interviewed this midget on my show..."

Exec: "And that's why he's earning the big bucks, my friends. You can all learn a lesson from this lad. What's your name son?"

KS: "Kyle Sandilands."

Exec: "Didn't you go into the house and cry?"

KS: "What?"

Exec: "After a day?"

KS: "That's hardly the point."

Exec: "Wannabe a host?"

Rove

Now, I don't really want to review Rove, but tonight I feel I have to make an effort. Because tonight on Rove, something happened. Something was switched on. Rove was funny in his opening monologue. He was cracking wise and he was entertaining. And he was on fire for the rest of the night! I don't know what it was, but in truth Rove was the best I've ever seen him, and the whole show was alive.

As usual Carrie Bickmore was gorgeous and funny, Peter Hellier was terribly entertaining, but even better, the three SYTYCDA judges put in an appearance to spoof themselves and judge Hellier's performance. It seemed that there was no end to the hilarity and entertainment.

And then Hugh Jackman came on. Now if there's one thing Rove and I have in common it's that Jackman is the man we'd turn gay for. And boy did he prove it tonight. He was charm personified, and it struck me how broad his accent is, something you don't notice because he turns it down in his performances. Rove clearly loved interviewing him, and Jackman was a brilliant interviewee, easily chatting about experiences and happily getting up to demonstrate dance moves on Rove. And his twenty bucks in twenty seconds was priceless.

Rhys and Jack from SYTYCDA were interviewed, and it was clear Rove had a lot more time for Rhys, though to be fair, it was also clear that Rhys had more personality in his little finger than Jack could manage, though both came across quite well. Hamish and Andy's experiences in Afgahnistan were extremely interesting, and I have a lot more respect for the two of them for going through what they did in. It must have been terrifying to be there, but they showed a lot of gumption for being there.

Dave Hughes was on fire, as always, and Ryan Shelton was very entertaining, particularly in his SYTYCDA spoof, which the judges seemed to enjoy. And the cameo appearance by Tom Petrovski is always a welcome pleasure. However, as always, there is a wet blanket on all parties, and in this case it was Mischa Barton who was not an easy subject for Rove to interview and she certainly wasn't giving an awful lot of herself out. Rove was clearly struggling, and Pete Hellier at one point tried to crack a joke she didn't respond much to either. Hard work.

Regardless, I wanted to say that this was the first episode of Rove I laughed all the way through, and for the first time I could understand why Rove was as popular as he was.

The whole night: "B+"