Ms Hollie

Well, here it is - the first review of a person, and admittedly not one that was actually requested. But I don't particularly care, because I'll review anyone whether they like it or not.

I glibly suggested I'd review Ms Hollie to my roommate Ms Kwan (who I should also get around to reviewing - not wearing that fucking hideous dress that you were so determined to buy, K-Dog +) because Kwan was showing me pics of Hollie. However, having gone through the pics I realised that either a) Hollie was not photogenic, or b) Kwan was just a terribly shoddy photographer. I hoped to myself Kwan would never raise the topic again.

But the bitch did. Tonight no less. And she TOLD Hollie I'd do it. Keep your fucking mouth shut in future!!! So I had to think - do I go against my principles and truly review Hollie or be nice and say nice things about her...I was in a dilemma. I told Kwan to get me some pics of Hollie for the review.

And thank GOD Kwan is a crap photographer. Yes, I went through the pics, uhmming and ahhing until I came across a series of photos of which one is displayed.

How hot is Hollie?

Answer: Pretty goddamn.

Yes, Hollie, if you're reading this, you are (as we say in the ghetto) pretty fine...dawg...whatever. There were a number of pics I could have selected to put on this site, because I must admit I have a fondness for cute girls, and you were photographed "cute" in a number of them. But in the end it was the fact I was so impressed at how good you looked in a bikini that I decided to run with this one.

One of the things a lot of women have problems with (and men as well, but let's face it, men rarely can be bothered to actually make themselves look good. No, fuck off, don't give me that "gay men do" shit, because they're just blokes who like other blokes. They only make themselves look good to pick up. Any other time they look as slovenly as the rest of us.) is dressing to make themselves look good. Compliment, not enhance, should be the motto of anybody who is trying to decide what to wear.

Hollie has chosen a bikini that is extremely complimentary. It highlights her curves without enhancing them to a point where they might be unfortunate. She has a fantastic figure, with a great tan and what a belly! That belly should be on display every time you go out! Tanned midriffs look awesome - you have one Hollie. Embrace and enjoy!

If I might make one negative - don't wear that maternity dress look. It's terrible. It screams pregnancy. You know what I'm talking about. I've just been informed by Kwan she told you to buy that dress. This is the girl who bought a dress that made her look like a ghost. Don't listen to her when it comes to shopping - her taste is like a sin curve. When it's up, it's tops, but when it's down...oh dear lord.

I've had a discussion with Kwan about what outfit we should put you in, and I have a great idea (oh my god is it great - sometimes I impress even myself) which I'm happy to get you into next time you go shopping. You'll look amazing...just ask Kwan...well, obviously ask her how amazing you'll look, not what you should buy; look where that got you.

So in conclusion, a definite "A" for your appearance. Obviously personality counts for a lot, so if you are a bitch, we should never, ever meet if you want to keep that "A". However, I'm sure you are really lovely, and could easily earn the "A+".

Oh yes, one addendum - am I being honest? I have a philosphy (or old cliche I live to) "If you can't say something nice about someone, shut the fuck up". If I thought you were a dog I wouldn't write this review. So revel in that "A" and that tanned midriff :)