Let's take a moment or two to look back over some of the beginning-of-the-week offerings of Channel Ten this week before I assassinate the character of that very network.
So You Think You Can Dance Australia: Anybody who knows me knows that I love my dance and have a passion for this program, but to be honest there is something about the Australian version that is just a bit ordinary. I'm not sure if its the fact that we have three regular judges instead of two, but I'm fairly certain it's more to do with the fact that the choreography is usually shithouse. Actually, that's not fair. Usually ordinary. In the Sunday show we were treated to the couples being broken up and regrouped and I was bitter about this because Rhys/Jemma were easily my favourite combination having performed so amazingly in the last few weeks with the Pasa Doble, Hip Hop and their own choreographed routine. Happily the Rhys/Kate combination was quite superb and their routine easily stole the show. It was crisp and fantastic and was a very un-Hip-hop Hip-hop. The other routines were fairly lacklustre, although Graeme/Demi's contempory routine was interesting, if not very well executed. The solo routines were all ordinary. Nothing stood out. What shocked me though was, although I agree that Jemma's routine was not fantastic, Bonnie Lythgoe's attack on her was astonishingly harsh. While Henry and Vanessa's routine was quite nice, Henry's bawling at the end was cringingly embarrassing. You're a performer man! Learn your trade!
As a result I predicted sadly that Jemma would be the one to go, and that is a shame because she shits all over Vanessa, Demi and Rhinnon. The final four should be Rhys, Jemma, Kate and, probably, Henry, but that's not going to happen. Anthony also left but, quite frankly, big deal.
Of more interest is Nat Bassigthwaite. What is with that woman? She seems stoned out of her mind every week and Jason seems to flirt constantly with her. It's really bizarre. She also seemed devastated that Anthony was booted. I think next season it might be a good idea to get a new host. If we want someone in the same vain, might I suggest the reliably erratic James Mathison; and of course if we're looking for a psycho bitch, Gretel Killeen is looking for a job. Has entertainment prospects.
The Biggest Loser (Australia): How much did I cheer when one of the Red team fell below the line? A lot, that's how much. I can't stand the red team, be it the manipulative prick that is Cosi, the stupid sheep that is Gary or that gormless twerp Nicola. They are the bitchiest, nastiest pieces of work in that show, and when it came down to Alison and Nicola I heaved a sigh of relief. Let's face it, there was no doubt as to the outcome - the Blue and Black teams would unite to get rid of the Red, so I was happy to see Nicola go. I noticed they changed the little blurb at the end of Nicola's return home saying she's lost 28 kilos since being in the house. She left two months ago having lost 25, so in two months she's lost 3 kilos. Obviously not looking for a win there are we dear? The contestents got a makeover on Tuesday and as much as I hate him, kudos to Cosi for his impressive weight loss. If he doesn't get voted out he does deserve to win. I did have a cheery moment when I saw him lose immunity on Wednesday though. Maybe we'll get rid of the mouthy git once and for all.
NCIS: Second episode of the new season and it's one of those standard episode loosely in NCIS's territory because one of the people killed at the beginning was a Petty Officer. As we all know, the one thing that sets this programme apart from the others is the fantastic character interplay, and am I the only one who wants Gibbs and Abby to get together? They are so sweet to each other. The case - dead woman, found to have just had a baby that her DNA didn't match - was a relatively interesting one, but a little convaluted. Nice to see Gibbs giving the parents a hard time, especially after they lied to NCIS' faces. Have to say, though, very over Ziva. She was OK for the last couple of seasons but she was never any Kate, and she's outstayed her welcome. New female lead please!
Melbourne Comedy Gala Festival: Hilarious? I laughed til I cried. Well, sometimes. Well, when Arj Barker was on. And some guy who I can't remember but was exceptionally hilarious making jokes about being competitive even when flirting with gay men. Actually, in all honesty, the only letdowns were Rove (he is seriously the most overrated personality on television) and that woman who usually bangs on about her kids. Very funny, very enjoyable, let's get Good News Week and Law & Order back now please.
Rightie, let's talk Channel Ten for a moment. There are a few things I'd like to address. Firstly, what is with the horrific broadcasting all of a sudden? Sound goes funny (on Letterman the other night the sound stuck in a rut for the entire final segment, just looping constantly), the tapes flicker (during a dance routine one of the SYTYCDA dancers was suspended in mid air, flicking his legs like some sort of anime grasshopper caught in a magic hex); it's almost as though they are trying to screw up the standard broadcast so everyone will go to Ten HD. Truly terrible. Secondly, nice to see the programmers have no sense of what they are doing. Thanks to the "fast tracked" programmes last year, and then stopping for apparently no reason, House was left with a whole four episodes left to broadcast. Coming soon to Ten - all new episodes of HOUSE!!!!! For a month, anyway, then we'll go back to repeating season 3. Thanks for that guys. But more entertainingly, after showing six episodes of Back To You, they then started repeating!! Despite previewing an all new episode! Crazy.Finally, are Channel Ten the kings of misleading previews? They will completely take things out of context to make a show look horrific. Witness -Bondi Rescue: what horrifying thing will Bondi lifesavers have to face this week? As one of the lifesavers says "fuck"? Well watch the show and discover he was just saying "fuck, the iron men racers are here already". Wow. Scary stuff.The Biggest Loser: drama in the house at elimination as Michelle says "Why didn't you eliminate Nicole?" Watch the show, she actually says "Why didn't you eliminate Gary instead of Nicole?". Also, after advertising constantly for three days that Cosi is about to go on an eating binge, in tonight's trailer they said "And which one of the losers will break down and go on an eating binge?" Er...maybe the one you've been banging on about for the last two days?Of course neither of these are as good as my favourite - an SVU episode two years ago where they asked "has Stabler gone too far this time?" and we see Stabler taking a gun out of his locker. When you watch the episode you will discover that the tape was reversed; he was, in fact, putting the gun in the locker. Nice one Channel Ten.If ever there was a shoddier network on Austrlian television it would have to be Ten. More incidents as they arise :D
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