The Man With The Golden Gun

Roger Moore's second movie and after the extreme departure of Live And Let Die, The Man With The Golden Gun returns all the Bond traditions to the film and models itself firmly on Diamonds Are Forever. And, oh boy, was that a mistake. The only thing that makes this movie better than Connery's last outing is that Moore is actually still giving it more than just a passing attempt to bring life to the thing.

From the pre-title sequence - again featuring no Bond at all - you know that something is going a little oddly with this movie. Christopher Lee playing Francisco Scaramanga, the titular man, has a third nipple and Guy Hamilton ensures that a lingering shot on Lee's chest makes sure we don't forget this little detail which becomes completely inconsequential and is clearly only there for Bond to deliver some of the dumbest one liners in the history of the series. "He must have found me tittilating" Bond witters at one point.

In a series that has actually managed to avoid being sexist (well, Diamonds Are Forever comes very close), TMWTGG throws away all shreds of dignity and provides us with a movie that has women in the worst position ever. There are only three women that actually turn up in the film really; a dancer, Andrea Anders (played by Maud Adams) and Mary Goodnight (played by Britt Ekland). The dancer apparently loved Bill Fairbanks, a former 00 agent, but as soon as she meets Bond she is more interested in sleeping with him. It's immense character depth.

Andrea Anders comes across no better - first appearing in a black swimsuit, draped across a beach on Phuket; it turns out she is little more than Scaramanga's sex slave, and, desperate to escape, she decides there is only one thing to do - call on James Bond, the only man who can save her. With this done, she offers to pay for her freedom by...well, becoming Bond's sex slave. Women's Lib, eat your heart out.

Andrea fairs better than Mary Goodnight, however, who is the single most incompetent MI6 agent, and Bond girl in general, in the history of the series. From the outset she is smitten with Bond, desperate to sleep with him, and despite stating she wishes not to be one of his conquests to pass time, she quickly throws her moral stance out the window, but ends up locked in a cupboard in her teddy while Bond shags Andrea. In spite of this indignity she ends up sleeping with Bond at the end of the movie. Such character. Meanwhile, she proves herself increasingly incompetent, managing to achieve nothing in the entire film except getting caught by Scaramanga. Once that happens, she wears a bikini for the rest of the film because...well, because Scaramanga likes a girl in a bikini apparently. Britt Ekland may be gorgeous, but it takes more than that to make a good Bond girl.

Oh I forgot - there is another woman: Chinese girl Chew Me who turns up naked in a swimming pool to suggest Bond should join her - also naked. OK, we get the idea he is desirable to women, but seriously, I think this may be going just one step too far.

Hamilton takes all the things he created in his previous Bond films and just continues to hammer them home, whilst bringing back all the elements that were "traditional" to the films. John Barry is back to create the music, and lets the entire film down when, in the most brilliant stunt the series has seen - a car doing a 360 degree turn over a river - he adds a slide whistle sound effeect. Apparently Cubby Broccoli told him it was a dumb idea, but he went ahead regardless. The "M's Office Briefing" scene is back (curiously this time with the Chief of Staff) and as the movie progresses, M now not only verbally wishes Bond dead, but also seems hate his entire staff. At one point it looks very much like he will kill both Bond and Q (who is also back) in the same scene.

In fact, in some ways this movie smacks ever so slightly of a "Best Of" for Bond; or at least that's what Hamilton thought. In some respects it almost seems to be a "Worst Of" showing us all the terrible elements or excesses of previous Bond films. We have gadgets - though admittedly Bond doesn't use them; instead we get to see Scaramanga drive a plane-car, easily one of the most ridiculous ideas seen in the movies to date. Bond's sexism is back with a vengeance, but so is his racism; note the way he casually tricks a Thai boy into fixing his boat before pushing him into a river. He is still as callous as he was in LALD, not hesitating to smack Andrea across the face, and Bond is clearly now a cigar smoker rather than a cigarette smoker. Alas, once again everyone seems to know exactly who he is, regardless of his secret status.

And clearly it was felt that since J W Pepper redressed any questions of racism in Live And Let Die, they should try that in TMWTGG. Unfortunately it doesn't work when Bond is also a racist, something he isn't in LALD. Pepper is absolutely terrible in this film and his short appearance is one of the many troughs of the film.

We get another car chase in this film, along with a boat chase, neither of which have the excitement of the chases in previous movies and particularly LALD. Bond himself is in a somewhat bizarre mood in this film. Once again he is both astonishingly smug and knowledgable, which helps, no doubt, to contribute to M's hatred of him.

And of course, the titles and title theme. Sadly, neither of these are particularly enduring. Lulu gives us a song which is slightly adapted at the end but ultimately fails to be remotely memorably like LALD or as powerful as Goldfinger. The titles are the worst Binder has given the series, and the worst to date. Featuring one single nude women in a variety of coloured lights, they are not a patch on anything that has gone before it. There is an attempt to give us a more exotic location by setting the film in Thailand and Phuket, which is nice, but Ted Moore has obviously lost the will and so it is filmed rather flatly.

However, easily the single worst element of the film is Nick Nack. Like Wint & Kidd, the homosexual killers in Diamonds Are Forever, Nick Nack is a midget henchman whose villainous foible is...being a midget. Nick Nack has precisely no menace at all, invariably sucking any tension out of the movie whenever he appears. With a high pitched French accent, he minces around screen until at the end he is stuck in a suitcase by Bond, who earlier claims that he has never killed a midget, but refuses to carry out his threat to make Nick Nack the first. Clearly Bond has more of a soft spot for midgets than for gays.

The two other characters worthy of being ridiculed are Hai Fat and Lt Hip. Hai Fat appears to be Scaramanga's boss, even though he claims to have hired the man to deal with a problem, but is then ordering him back to his island where their power plant is. The relationship between the two villains is extremely bizarre, as the island is clearly Scaramanga's, so precisely when that plant was built is a little curious. Hai Fat himself acts absolutely absurdly throughout the whole film - he pretends to fall for Bond's disguise even though he has already met Scaramanga, which begs the question, why play the charade through. Then, after inviting Bond to dinner, he has him disabled...but then sends him to a martial arts school to be killed. Hai Fat deserves the bullet Scaramanga put into him.

Equally Hip is another strange character who contributes little, except to attempt to rescue Bond and then, when Bond is in the car, ignore his neices telling him that they have left Bond behind and simply drive away. Why, exactly?
These sorts of plot holes are fairly common in the movie all up, though. If Nick Nack is serious about taking over Scaramanga's possessions, why make life difficult for the people he has hired to kill the assassin? Are we seriously expected to believe that Scaramanga just happens to be involved in the assignment Bond is taken off just before he is sent after Scaramanga (although the scene between "M" and Bond giving that instruction is beautifully played)? How does "M" know Scaramanga's phone number? What is the point of the ending - is there any real tension in wondering whether Scaramanga will survive? And how exactly did Bond replace the mannequin of himself?

That said there are some great elements in the movie. Firstly, the set design on "M"'s office on the sunken Queen Elizabeth is absolutely superb. And secondly, there is Scaramanga.

Christopher Lee steals the entire movie, managing to outsmooth Roger Moore as he delivers quips that make Bond look clumsy and has a confidence that is unsurpassable. When Bond questions the fairness of him having six bullets and Scaramanga having only one in a duel, Scarmanga suavely replies "Oh, I'll only need one, Mr Bond." Lee gives a performance that is mesmerising, and one can't wait for any scene he turns up in.

Sadly this movie is not a patch on Live And Let Die, and gives far too many bad memories of Diamonds Are Forever. One can only hope that things will change for "The Spy Who Loved Me".

Favourite Bond:1. Sean Connery2. George Lazenby3. Roger Moore
Favourite movie order:1. On Her Majesty's Secret Service2. Dr No 3. Live And Let Die4. Thunderball5. From Russia, With Love6. Goldfinger7. You Only Live Twice8. The Man With The Golden Gun9. Diamonds Are Forever
Favourite Bond girl:1. Claudine Auger/Dominio2. Diana Rigg/Tracy3. Mie Hama/Kissy4. Daniela Bianchi/Tanya5. Ursula Andress/Honey 6. Jane Seymour/Solitaire7. Honor Blackman/Pussy8. Britt Ekland/Mary9. Jill St John/Tiffany
Favourite Bond villain:1. Donald Pleasance/Blofeld2. Gert Frobe/Goldfinger3. Christopher Lee/Scaramanga4. Adolfo Celi/Largo 5. Yaphet Kotto/Mr Big-Dr Kananga6. Joseph Wiseman/Dr No7. Lotte Lenya/Klebb8. Telly Savalas/Blofeld9. Charles Gray/Blofeld