Die Another Day

It's been forty years since the Bond series began, fifty since the book series started, and Die Another Day is the twentieth Bond film. There's an awful lot to celebrate here; a chance to reflect on former glories, embrace what made the series so brilliant and look to the future with original and fresh ideas.

So obviously it's time to deface the iconic gunbarrel logo by having a bullet fly out of Bond's gun and into the camera.

Here's the thing about Bond films: There's a certain heightened reality in them. It's a little like a piece of cardboard. If you look at it side on, you can see all the little bumps, and you notice that it's not flat, and you may even begin to ponder just how those bumps got there. But if you look at if from above, you don't notice the bumps, and so it's just a piece of cardboard, no problem. If that cardboard is a movie, and you look at it from the side, you'd better hope there are no bumps. The Dark Knight, for instance, encourages you to look at the side - gritty realism - and then puts in a massive bump when it expects you to believe that a bullet impact can be used to get a fingerprint off said bullet. Certain movies need to be viewed from above, and the Bond series is one of them. The gunbarrel sequence, if you think too much about it, doesn't make sense. If you just watch it, it's bloody cool. Bond shoots some guy who is targeting him, and the blood rolls down the gunbarrel. Nasty. However, that bullet says, "look at this from the side". And you start to wonder. Did Bond actually shoot a bullet straight down the barrel of someone else's gun? That's a pretty hard shot to pull off...So why does the blood fall from above? Surely you wouldn't see the blood because it entered the dude from the barrel of his gun...actually wouldn't there already be a bullet in the barrel? Maybe it should've exploded in blood...and what's with those little white dots before we see Bond anyway??

The really sad thing is, that David Arnold has got the idea. His gunbarrel music embraces the icon and gives us back the traditional sequence of the Bond theme, but updates it with a bit of synth over the top of his orchestra. It's his best gunbarrel yet. Sadly the rest of Arnold's score has flashes of brilliance, particularly the Havana scene, but most of the time is just the same old, same old.

The funny thing is, GoldenEye actually took exactly the right approach. Witness the gunbarrel - the same as it used to be, except now rendered in 3D CGI, and with a moving reflection on the barrel. Kleinman got it bang on in GoldenEye - embrace the icon, update with reverence.

And then we get the pre-title sequence. I'm still not sure about the idea of Bond surfing, but it's nice to see that there are still some fresh and original ideas out there that the series can embrace. In fact, the entire pre-title sequence is just absolutely brilliant; easily the best of any of the Brosnan films, and possibly the best since...well, since The Living Dayligts. Will Yun Lee is fantastic as Colonel Tan-Sun Moon (and isn't that a clever homage to Robert Markham's novel Colonel Sun?), Rick Yune is nice and moody as Zao - but what a clever idea to have his face shredded and embedded with diamonds? - while Kenneth Tsang brings a wonderful dignity to General Moon. Bond is smooth and efficient in performing his mission, and the hovercraft chase is tense and exciting, ending with one of the best scenes of Bond getting out of a difficult position; even getting to deliver a clever, witty line. After watching this sequence, I was completely forgiving of the gunbarrel.

Then I saw the title sequence. For years the titles have been iconographic, with lurid images of beautiful women in silhouette, dancing and moving around absract elements of the film we are about to see. This time, the sequence shows Bond being tortured for fourteen months, all somewhat curiously edited, with scorpions and...err...women made of smoke, fire ane electricity. So...gritty realism...interspersed with the ice becoming a naked woman. Once again the audience is led to look at the cardboard one way, while delivering something that should be seen from the other.

And then there's Madonna's song. I know that it's great to hear on the dance floor at a nightclub, and it's cool to dance to, but it is simply not a Bond theme, and is absolutely apalling against the titles. And the really, really terrible thing about this song is it is used no less than three times in the movie, each a different mix; the titles, at the ice hotel and finally over the end credits. And if you thought it was bad to start with, each mix is progressively worse than its predecessor. But hold on, that's not all. No, as part of the deal, Madonna also has to appear in the film as a lesbian fencing instructor. Mix this in with Neil Purvis and Robert Wade's usual coarse rather than clever dialogue and you can imagine how the scene comes off.

The movie uses elements of all previous Bond films, apparently as a homage to them. In some cases it works very well, appearing as the homage it is intended - notably, Jinx wearing the orange version of Honey's bikini as she comes out of the water; Gustav Graves parachuting to Earth with a Union Jack parachute; and Bond and Jinx escaping the cargo plane they are on by getting in a vehicle which falls out of the plane (Dr No, The Spy Who Loved Me and The Living Daylights respectively). However, when it doesn't work well, it seems as though the series has exhausted its ideas and is just recycling the old ones (so much for fresh and original ideas). The worst of these is the diamond satellite laser, which is less a homage to Diamonds Are Forever and more just a villain using a former villain's idea. Blofeld should sue for breach of copyright.

However, this could have been the best movie ever made and it would still have been ordinary because, at the end of the day, Pierce Brosnan is giving a performance in this movie the same way that Sean Connery gave one in Diamonds Are Forever. Brosnan is bored out of his mind, and clearly left the set to go and count his money. Letting Bond have long hair and a beard just makes Brosnan look laughable rather than beaten down, and Bond is at his sexist worse in this film, virtually raping Miranda Frost, telling her she likes it. In Havana, Bond becomes a complete hypocrite by smoking a cigar (what happened to it being a filthy habit?) and then, quite literally, sees Jinx and thinks to himself "I'm bored - I'll shag that chick". There is no other reason for him to talk to her - or are we supposed to believe that Bond is desperate for some after so long in prison? And once again we are back to the cardboard, as Bond finds himself stuck in an MI6 hospital and there he is able to slow his heart til it stops...as you do. Once achieved he electrocutes his doctor and escapes, while the nurse, despite the fact that her collegue has been badly injured, sighs longingly at the bearded Bond. One can only wonder what was going through director Lee Tamahori's mind.

That said there is a wonderful moment when Bond picks up the book that inspired Fleming to name his leading man, and then later adopts ornithologist as a cover story. It's a very nice nod to Fleming, and it's a same there isn't more of it.

Halle Berry looks hot in the entire film, but is pretty ordinary as the character Jinx Jordan (or Jacinta Johnson, or something...it's never really made clear). Sadly, Rosamund Pike turns in a better performance as Miranda Frost, but she seems just a little overwhelmed by the entire experience.

Toby Stephens is really good as Gustav Graves, the villain that Will Yun Lee becomes (although I still can't help wishing Lee had remained the villain throughout), getting the chance to show a man who has a real chip on his shoulder. Sadly, though, the character is ill thought out. In the pre-titles, Moon is really nothing more than an arms dealer, using his military status as cover. However, by the end of the film, Graves is a patriot, using the Icarus satellite to destroy the minefield between the two Koreas. However, villain motivation has never been Purvis and Wade's strong suit. As soon as Graves puts on the Iron Man costume to control the Icarus satellite, Stephens clearly lacks confidence in what he's supposed to be doing, and as such he starts to go as over the top as possible. At one point in grabs two parachutes and throws one away so only he can escape, leaving Bond stranded - except as far as he knows, Miranda Frost is still alive at this point, so wouldn't he have needed one for her?

Rick Yune turns up again as Zao, of course, but this time he has had some sort of genetic alteration (hello magical world of fantasy) which has turned him into a bald albino with diamonds in his face. Looks very cool, and is played very well, but, of course, makes no sense if you think gaobu it too deeply.

The regular cast is back - Dench as wonderful as "M" as always, although quite why she has no confidence in Bond at the beginning of the movie is a little bizarre. Colin Salmon returns as Robinson, and gets a nice little moment in a VR simulation when he and Bond try to take down the terrorists who have invaded MI6. John Cleese is infinitely better in this film as the new "Q", and gets to deliver the best line of the movie (Bond tells "Q" he's smarter than he looks, to which "Q" replies "Better than looking smarter than you are"). Sadly no Tanner again, and Michael Madsen turns up as some sort of NSA director, but he does little except bitch throughout the entire movie and complain about the English. Meanwhile, Samantha Bond returns as Moneypenny, and interestingly doesn't techincally meet Bond in the film - something that hasn't happened since Licence To Kill.

One of the biggest problems with Die Another Day is that the theme of the movie is "looks cool, but is pretty stupid if you think about it". The gunbarrel, the VR fight sequence (what's the point?), the fencing scene at Blades (both of which is a great reference to the novel Moonraker - and incidentally, Miranda Frost was going to be named Gala Brand after the girl in the same book, but it was changed just prior to filming - but one finds it difficult to believe that two people could attack each other with swords, causing physical violence, without any sort of police involvement) all look great but are not really well thought out. The worst offender, though, is the invisible car. So the technology is possible (although apparently it wouldn't be anywhere near as effective as the movie suggests), but surely this means from this point on, Bond just has to drive his invisible car around rather than get somewhere stealthily? Why bother with the HALO style jump into Korea? Why not just drive the invisible car?

The other big problem with this movie is that it's not just ordinary throughout; there are some absolute gems coupled with so much rubbish. For all the bad points I've listed, you've got things like the pre-titles, the filming of Iceland (which is gorgeous), the ice hotel (fantastic setting) and a car chase which is just phenomenal - not only because its on ice, but because it actually goes into the ice hotel.

Finally a few more gripes about the movie. The CGI surfing scene is absolutely unforgivable. One of the best things about Bond is that all the stunts are done for real, even if just by the stuntment. They still do it. If you can't do it for real, don't do it all. The CGI looks absolutely crap.Where do all the guests go after the Icarus presentation? They just disappear.Mr Kil is really Gabor in everything but name.The Matrix style editing doesn't suit a James Bond movie - the fact that the editor actually says in a doco "I wanted to make it look more like the Matrix" should have him shot. It's James Bond, not the Matrix.

And speaking of editing...
There are three scenes at the end of the movie.

Scene 1 - Bond and Jinx desperately trying to escape in a helicopter, ending with Bond turning to her and saying "What was that about us both going down together?" Terrible line, but...

Scene 2 - Moneypenny using the VR to live out a fantasty of getting it on with Bond.

Scene 3 - A final scene with Bond and Jinx fooling around in the stolen diamonds with what is easily just the most ordinary dialogue in the entire film.

Now, if anyone had any sense at all, they would have ended the movie with scene 1, put scene 2 as a post-credits scene, just to give people a bit of a chuckle, and ignored scene 3 completely. It would have been a much better decision all round, but, like the rest of the movie, no one seems to have given anything much thought.

Favourite Bond: 1. Timothy Dalton; 2. Roger Moore; 3. Sean Connery; 4. George Lazenby; 5. Pierce Brosnan

Favourite movie order: 1. The Living Daylights; 2. On Her Majesty's Secret Service; 3. Dr No; 4. Licence To Kill; 5. A View To A Kill; 6. Live And Let Die; 7. Thunderball; 8. For Your Eyes Only/Octopussy 10. The Spy Who Loved Me; 11. Tomorrow Never Dies; 12. GoldenEye; 13. From Russia, With Love; 14. Goldfinger; 15. You Only Live Twice; 16. Moonraker; 17. The World Is Not Enough; 18. The Man With The Golden Gun; 19. Die Another Day; 20. Diamonds Are Forever

Favourite Bond girl: 1. Carey Lowell/Pam; 2. Claudine Auger/Dominio; 3. Diana Rigg/Tracy; 4. Carole Bouquet/Melina; 5. Izabella Scorupco/Natalya; 6. Barbara Bach/Anya; 7. Maud Adams/Octopussy 8. Michelle Yeoh/Wai Lin; 9. Mie Hama/Kissy; 10. Daniela Bianchi/Tanya; 11. Ursula Andress/Honey; 12. Jane Seymour/Solitaire; 13. Maryam D'Abo/Kara; 14. Lois Chiles/Holly; 15. Honor Blackman/Pussy; 16. Tanya Roberts/Stacy; 17. Denise Richards/Christmas; 18. Halle Berry/Jinx; 19. Britt Ekland/Mary; 20. Jill St John/Tiffany

Favourite Bond villain: 1. Robert Davi/Sanchez; 2. Donald Pleasance/Blofeld; 3. Gert Frobe/Goldfinger; 4. Christopher Lee/Scaramanga; 5. Jeroen Krabbe & Joe Don Baker/Koskov & Whittaker; 6. Christopher Walken/Zorin; 7. Louis Jordan & Steven Berkov/Kahn & Orlov 8. Jonathan Pryce/Carver; 9. Adolfo Celi/Largo; 10. Sean Bean/Trevelyan; 11. Michael Lonsdale/Drax; 12. Yaphet Kotto/Mr Big-Dr Kananga; 13. Julian Glover/Kristatos; 14. Joseph Wiseman/Dr No; 15. Lotte Lenya/Klebb; 16. Telly Savalas/Blofeld; 17. Charles Gray/Blofeld; 18. Toby Stephens/Graves; 19. Sophie Marceau/Elektra; 20. Curt Jurgens/Stromberg